It's taken me a long time to love all of me. Yes all of me. That's pretty amazing really because I am far, far from perfect. The father of my children used to tell me that I was different when I'd been reading women's magazines; I was less happy. I used to shrug it off, but hindsight being the great illuminator that it is, I can see how that could have been true. Women's magazines across the board tell us that we are not enough. They tell us in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways that we are too fat, too thin, not fit enough, not pretty enough; that we don't have enough shoes, clothes, make-up. They tell us that we don't get to go to the 'right' places or to meet the 'right' people. They show us that there are lots of people 'out there' that are prettier, thinner, richer, more beautiful, more successful...more everything! They remind us that we are not climbing mountains or writing books or sailing around the world single handed. They remind us that there are others around the world who are in such abject poverty and that we should be helping them...but we can feel so helpless. They remind us that others are greater cooks and better mothers. They remind us that others are funnier and more clever and generally all round more fabulous. Yes they do. Haven't you noticed?
There were times when I absolutely hated his guts. It happened once a month. Every month. Poor man. It would usually happen when I was washing the dishes and suddenly I would be seething with hatred. I wonder now if I tended to be tempted to buy a magazine and read more at that time of the month too? Perhaps the two things are somehow related. I kind of knew it was hormonal and I tried not to let it show, but I bet it did and I bet he felt it and now I feel sorry about that. So perhaps some of it was hormonal but perhaps some of it was that I didn't feel good enough. Perhaps those times of resentment and anger were really about how I felt about myself. That's what I think now. I didn't take the criticism well...the comment about being different after reading magazines. I felt angry. I wonder why? Could it be that seeing all the beautiful, clever, rich, amazing people in those glossy pages put me under pressure in a sense...that there was pressure somehow to be more or other than who I am? I don't know. What do you think?
The past few years I have been alone. There have been some rough days and some rough weeks. But guess what?! I have learned to love me. All of me. My fat bits, my asymmetrical bits, my lumpy bits, my blemishes, my wrinkles; not just my physical self but my thoughts and emotions too. It's a process but you can love all of yourself. I appreciate the wonder of how my body works to get me around. How marvellous that I can manipulate this keyboard to share these thoughts with you. Wow! The best thing about loving myself completely is that it has opened the door for others to love me more too. I think the walls are crashing down. I am not wanting or needing more. I am enough. That's not original but it's a good thing to say. I am enough. I don't need to be any different. If I'm always yearning to be something other than what I am I cannot enjoy my life right now. That is not to say that I should not make good and healthy choices for my body, my mind and my soul. In fact, loving all of me helps me to do just that. I am not focusing on losing weight or changing myself in any way. I am focusing on living and loving. The results are amazing me!
This morning I found this in my email and I'm sharing it because it is my truth and I hope it is yours too or that you will claim it now! It came through Meditation Australia to which I subscribe. Think on it. You are loveable.