Is it possible to have too much mentoring?
This is a question I found myself asking this morning and I think the answer is a resounding 'YES!'.
I have fallen into the trap of accepting help and guidance from too many different sources, and of course they all offer similar structures and things to do and think about, but I can see the wisdom in them all and have eventually found myself going in every decreasing circles as all my mental energy is used up in listening and note-taking and processing and executing over and over again the same things in slightly different ways.
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| Photo by Rémy Penet on Unsplash |
I am exhausted. I don't know where to turn next. The only answer is to go inwards when one reaches that level of overload. The only other answer is to STOP. And take stock. And ask oneself, "Where does the value really lay for me in all of this?"
When our energy is divided it gives us so much less to work with. I have allowed this to happen. And I am the only one that can fix it. I can see that I need to clear my path and just follow my heart.
One of the things that is helping me to sort through this mental mess (and the enormous amount of paperwork and clutter on my laptop) is to look at my own values. This is something that we can forget sometimes and it can have a big impact on how things are working out for us.
I am going deep here to find what really matters because a lot of other people have been telling me what matters and perhaps what I should want or need to have or to do. That just creates a massive burden of 'shoulds'. I should be doing this. I should be doing that. Today I didn't go to my banjo lesson. Because I'm pretty sure I would have cried all over the place and my teacher is a young man who doesn't need that kind of mess when all he's trying to do is teach his craft. So I opted out and I feel bad about doing that but know that it was in his best interests for me not to go...and perhaps my own as well. I have not been practicing. But that is not why I am teary. I know this place. It is overwhelm and feeling like I am not managing my life very well. And it's calling me to action - of some kind. Tears tell me that. Breathe.
Both my physical and mental space need a declutter.
I have started with the physical, simply because it is easier to start there and working with my body is actually good when I am in this state. Yes, it has happened before - feeling that desperate need to change something and to create the space I need to move forwards again.
It's a terrible feeling to be bogged down with stuff, both mental and physical stuff. Clarity seems to sit on a distant horizon. I know it is there but how can I get to it? By going inwards first.
Whilst this upheaval will get messy today, by this evening I will be feeling better. This I know. I know what I need to do when I listen to my heart - my intuition - that intersect of heart and mind. I am sorry for anyone that gets stuck in the middle of my mess. I will be pulling back from some of you to give myself space to breathe. I can see how I want my life to look right now and like a sculptor working with a mass of wood or stone, I will be chipping away anything that doesn't fit any more. Don't get me wrong. I'm not cutting anyone out of my life but just creating my pathway so that it is clear for me instead of a a delta of this way and that way and this way again. I need to be in the river so I can go with the flow and build momentum.
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| Photo by USGS on Unsplash |
I need to turn away from distractions, focus on where I am going and take care of myself. I still need to have fun. I'm not able to have fun when I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in a constant state of procrastination, even when I'm getting stuff done, because there is always more on the list to do or think about.
I guess what I'm trying to share here is a deep need to simplify my life. It really doesn't need to be complicated unless I make it so.
Checking in with myself makes the way forward clear. Messy perhaps but clear.
Authenticity is important. I can't be any more authentic than to say this is not working for me and I need to stop and gather myself. I am scattered. I am grateful that I know myself well enough to take this stand.
I love all my mentors and their wisdom. But if I don't leave myself time to actually do the things they suggest properly and thoroughly I am just spinning my wheels and going nowhere.
Life is ultimately good and we choose how to live it best we can under our own particular circumstances. We can often be our own worst enemy by taking on more than we can reasonably do or cope with. This can be mental, physical, financial or emotional...even spiritual. This is different for each person and that can be where comparison can be a beast and our undoing.
I (and you) don't need to measure up to anyone else's accomplishments or goals. I live my life and you live yours. I'm going to leave you now to ponder your own life. Check in and ask yourself how you're feeling. Is everything okay or do you need a little declutter and reset too? Check with your values and see if you're living in alignment with them.
One of my biggest values is freedom - and I FEEL anything but free right now. And yet I have great freedom when I allow it to fly back to me. Ahhh, here it comes now.
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| Photo by Dallas Reedy on Unsplash |
With love
Kerry C xx
