Moving house again

I have a love/hate relationship with moving house. Because I am a gypsy at heart I love moving house. Because I love change (especially change I have orchestrated myself!) I love moving house. Because I love 'making' a home, I love moving house. There are plenty of reasons to hate moving house, as any of you that have done it will be sure to know already. There is the problem of leaving the familiar. There is the packing - ugh! The detritus of life in our modern world has somehow to be packed in some sort of order and transported to a new place which doesn't have the same places to put things. New places must be found. It's hard mental work. I'm midway through such a move at the moment so please forgive my tardiness in writing and perhaps my mental fuzziness too. I just have too many small and annoyingly insignificant things to pay attention to or they won't be done. Of course, I am renting a place, as those of you who read my post 'Homage to the Sabco Tile and Grout Brush' will be aware, so apart from giving the place a good old clean like I would if I was selling it and moving out, I have the additional pressure of having my cleaning work inspected to determine if I deserve to get my bond back or not. 

On the subject of bond money, my kids who both lived part of their lives in rental accommodation with me and who helped with cleaning and moving on several occasions, seem to have a lot of trouble getting bond money returned to them now that they are out on their own. I find that surprising really as I've never lost a single cent of bond money and I know that they clean to the same high standard as I do before leaving rental premises. I wonder why they have trouble and I don't. It's a bit of a mystery. Sometimes I wonder about the term in most rental agreements 'reasonable wear and tear'. Sometimes I think it is not taken into account that furnishings such as curtains and blinds are old and deteriorating at the time of entry. They might appear to be in good condition but also be about to fall apart. It might not look like reasonable wear and tear but it could just be that the darned things have rotted due to old age and actions that might have once caused no damage at all, will cause a great tear. Anyway, just saying that sometimes I think when we go into a rental accommodation and sign the paperwork, we need to be super careful to document every detail and to notice every little thing that might be about to fall apart or collapse with old age. 

Another thing about that is...you have three days after picking up the keys (and it can be in fact less than a full 72 hours depending on when you are permitted to collect the keys) to the place to complete and return a condition on entry report. Now that is hard if you consider that usually your life is absolutely turned upside down at that time because you've been packing everything up and away. You have to transport it, unpack it and find some semblance of order so that you can continue with work, study or other commitments. It is exhausting even if you have a removalist and moreso if you are doing it all yourself. I think this puts the tenant at a serious disadvantage because they will be trying to get moved in and organised and notice every detail of the new place all at that very difficult time of upheaval. They are probably trying to clean a place they are exiting at the same time. I have done it many times and it just makes my head spin!! Visions of The Exorcist not entirely unwarranted at this point. It can be pretty scary stuff.

Moving house is listed as one of the greatest stressors, in my book, anyway (no I haven't written a book yet, but maybe I should!), and yet it is at that time and under that pressure that we whiz through a place and tick the boxes here and there and sign the forms. I know what it's like. I did the same in the place I'm in now. After I returned the forms, I found numerous extra bits and pieces about the place that I ought to have documented but didn't notice until it was too late. They're not a big deal, but they could be. They are little things like a screw in the wall or a light fitting dropped from the ceiling a bit exposing wires. Now if the agent decided to see those things as damage, even though they were like that when I moved in, if they are not noted on the entry condition documents I could be liable to wear the cost of having them removed or repaired. These are not exact examples but just to give you an idea. 

Have you ever bought a house and then when you've moved in you keep noticing little things you missed when you viewed the place? Do you keep on finding new little things about the place for weeks? I think you very well might. Things like a loose hinge on a cupboard door, or a leaky tap, or a door that jams sometimes, or a lock that doesn't work properly, or a blind that won't work, or whatever it is. Often it takes weeks or months to really know a place well. I'm just saying that it's a pretty tough call to expect it to be completely accurate when you get only three days when you are moving in. It's tough. So you might not mention that something is old and thin or faded or whatever because you simply may not have noticed. Take note fellow renters. You have to put aside your tiredness and your emotional stress for a few hours and scour your new home with a severe and critical eye. You absolutely must document - use your digital camera too if you can and lodge copies of photos with your forms - every detail of anything in the place that is not absolutely perfect. This is doubly important if you happen to be young and perhaps a bit 'alternative' looking. Not saying that real estate agents are any more judgemental of people than anyone else in business, but just saying that you must do it in order to protect your own interests and in order to have some solid evidence if your integrity or caring towards the place is ever questioned. It's one thing to say 'it was like that when we moved in' but completely another if you can say 'here are the photos we took on the day we moved in' and 'here are the notes we took'. You must make sure the agents have a copy too.  It's hard but it's worth it. Just in case. I'm going to do a better job of that next time myself. Just in case.

This time I'm moving in with my friend David. It's still a rental home, but between us I'm sure we'll take good care of it and it's nice to be sharing a life again quite a few years alone. It might be a bit stressful learning to fit in with one another a bit but then, life is full of stressful situations anyway, and an exciting part of life is learning the best way to respond to all that. I was wondering to myself as I wrote this, just how high moving house does rate on the scale of stressful events. At some moments I have felt that it must rate very high, but I was quickly brought back to earth when I looked for something to support that idea. I found the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale which rates moving house on about 20 compared with 100 for death of a spouse, 63 for a jail term and 50 for getting married. I've put a link at the end for you if you'd like to check out some others. I'm sure many of you will scoff at Christmas rating a mere 12 points! I guess in reality the stress levels attached to each of those events would depend to some degree on how you choose to manage them. Let me know what you think. What are the big stressors in your life? Just in case you're feeling stressed out...HELP! (for young people) and more HELP! (printable booklet that looks pretty good compliments of the Government of Scotland...gotta love the internet)

Well, I can't spend much more time here with you right now. There are things to be packed, sorted or tossed away. It can be a great time for getting rid of questionable bits n pieces that seem to grow into piles around the place. Those bits that might come in handy or that I might find time to read...out they go. Time to set myself free of all that a little too. I haven't started cleaning yet. although I have washed curtains over the past couple of weeks. They are old and faded and I was extremely relieved that they made it through a gentle cycle on the washing machine in one piece!

Wish me luck and hopefully I'll be all settled in soon and back writing every day or two. School holidays start this weekend too so I'm looking forward to some adventures to write about too. Stay tuned!

Find the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale here:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm
Here's a link to a checklist to keep you organised when moving house:
http://www.reallymoving.com/moving-advice/moving-checklist

A response to the death of Chloe Fergusson

I've just been reading an article from The Mercury about the tragic death of a young Tasmanian girl, Chloe Fergusson, and found the following quote particularly upsetting, "She was getting picked on for absolutely horrible things, like not having a mother ... it was awful," Ms Whitehill said. Ms Whitehill is Chloe's older sister. 

It's made me ask myself...what has happened to compassion in our society? How could any child, any young person, any person, think that is something to tease, mock or ridicule another person about? How could anyone get any satisfaction out of making someone already bereft of an absolute key person in their young lives feel further isolated and alone? How is it that our children have no compassion for another's suffering? What has gone wrong here?

I know that bullying is not new. I know it's not going to go away if there is legislation to make people more accountable for their actions. It might make some silly people think twice before picking on someone just for entertainment, but there will still be some that won't care about the consequences to themselves. Some people see themselves as untouchable or immune to the laws of the land. Laws can do only so much. 

The rest we will have to do ourselves somehow. 

But how? How can we change the psyche of people, young and old, who think it is acceptable to harass and bully others? What is missing in their lives, in their personal education, that allows them to think it's OK?  Do they really think it's OK?  I have lots of questions. What sort of perverse satisfaction do the bullies get from their actions...or from the reactions of those they bully?

Somehow in the past generation or two, some basic tenets of living in a society seem to have gone to ground. I'm talking about those human virtues which most of us exercise simply as a result of being human; respect for others, respect for ourselves, compassion towards ourselves and others, kindness towards ourselves and others, treating others as we would wish to be treated ourselves. Empathy; the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another and imagine what they might be feeling. These things guide our behaviour towards ourselves and others. What has happened to them? Are they rarer qualities than they used to be? 

Is it that now young people can bully others too easily, without being seen? Social media and mobile phones have given bullies a ticket to sneaky, insidious and sustained attacking of the innocent. It is easy to engage in constant attacks without being caught. Threats are such that the bullied people don't 'tell'.  These tools are part of life now. They make life easier in many ways and we've all come to rely on them and to take them for granted. Those of us that are a bit older are probably more able to see how this problem has evolved. The younger ones who have known no other way...it's for us to teach them how to use these fantastic tools for good, not for creating pain and suffering for others. It's not just about legistlating against bullying behaviour, although that is an important step, but we have to somehow give back a heart to bullies who have somehow lost their hearts. That is the only explanation I can find for this kind of heartless badgering of another to the point where they can no longer see any point in living. It is utterly heartless, thoughtless.

How can we give back to those tragic heartless creatures, a heart to feel another's pain? An imagination to experience another's distress? How can we teach them to understand that there are consequences for actions? How can we help them to understand the immense burden they will have to carry for life knowing that they caused someone else so much grief that they took their own life? 

There are anti-bullying programs in schools and workplaces; it is not just children that can choose to bully. There are anti-bullying movements on the internet and pages on social media. It is not a hidden thing any more. We are talking about it.

It needs adults and children who already know and understand to begin to identify bullying behaviour and shine a light on it. Let it not go on in secret or in ignorance. Let us expose the bullies and offer them help. People who bully have a problem It is not 'normal' behaviour. It is not helpful behaviour. It doesn't help their issues, even if it gives them some temporary feelings of power over another. We need to be offering help not just to the bullied but to the bullies. We need to find out what is behind their behaviour and find ways to help them learn to do better. To do good. To do kindness. To do compassion. We need to help them find out that it feels great to do empathy and kindness to another. First, we might need to show them some empathy and listen and feel their pain. I simply can't believe that anyone does these things just for fun. I can't. 

We have lost our way as a society. Too many kids are raising themselves while parents are both working or studying or losing themselves in social media, hiding their stresses with alcohol or drugs. Too many kids are directed to X-boxes and PC games to entertain themselves so that parents have time to themselves. We need families that have time together again. We need parents that sit around the table and talk to their kids; listen to their kids. We need parents that turn their mobile phones off and BE WITH their kids; no interruptions. We need parents that parent their kids. It's hard work. It means saying no to anti-social, violent, bullying behaviour in all it's various guises. It means taking responsibility. We need to support parents to parent their kids. We need to stop chasing dollars, ease the pressure to keep gaining more stuff and start working on gaining things that really matter. Our kids have grown up in a culture of 'rights'. Often rights are taught or talked about in isolation. They must be taught and talked about in tandem with responsibility. Kids need reasonable limits set on their behaviour. They need reasonable consequences when they push the limits. They need to take responsibility for their behaviour. 

We want bullying to stop. We want violence to stop. We know it's not good, but we allow bullying and violence into our own homes via television shows and gaming machines. We allow our kids to become desensitised to violence, to violent images and actions. 
PLEASE rethink what you allow into your home in terms of games and television. 
PLEASE rethink how and how much time you spend with your own children or grandchildren. 
PLEASE rethink how you speak to them if you just shrug them off when they need your time, patience and understanding. They need to learn how to be responsible and contributing members of society to be happy. They learn from example and from doing.
PLEASE help the kids to feel. Help them to understand that there are consequences for actions.  Use social media to teach  them and find things they can do to make a positive difference in the world. 
PLEASE. 
For Chloe Fergusson. For her family. For all the others who have taken their lives because they've been bullied. For the sake of those you might save if you teach your child to exercise kindness, compassion and empathy. For the sake of your child who might be responsible for the death of another child one day if you don't teach them now. Do it now. Do it so that you don't have to one day think...how did my child do that? Make the effort. Today. With love.

I've included some links below that will help you find out more about helping kids who are bullied or who are bullying. There is information for parents, teachers, students and young children. Please share with anyone you think may benefit from reading this. Thank you. 


http://bullyingnoway.gov.au/
https://www.psychology.org.au/publications/tip_sheets/bullying/
https://www.facebook.com/ChloesLawAust

Nothing to fear but fear itself

Fear. It leaves us feeling confused and unsure about making decisions. It stifles us and leaves us cringing and quivering in our corner afraid to face challenge or change or even sometimes opportunity. The confusion makes it difficult to see opportunity. When everything is tinged with fear it all seems very dangerous and fraught with the possibility of failure, hurt, betrayal, ridicule and more. No wonder we spend so much time listening to it. By listening I mean to the little voice that tells us all the reasons why we shouldn't do something or why something can't or won't work. To take away the power that fear has over us all is to unleash new possibilities and new opportunities for life.

Now I know there is such a thing as healthy fear, and I think most of us recognise that when it arrives. It's the one that says be afraid of cutting the corner because yes, there might be something coming the other way. Or don't grab the red hot poker because it's going to burn like crazy. Your brain soon tells you what is healthy fear, or common sense, but that doesn't stop the occasional or constant attack of unhealthy fear. I'm not sure if that's the best term for it, but you know what I mean. I mean the kind of fear that stopped me from getting up and dancing at a dance because I thought I'd make a fool of myself. Or the kind of fear that stops me from talking to a neighbour or someone in the supermarket queue. The kind of fear that stops you from taking a chance on something that might make your life better in case it backfires on you. 

Changing perspectives; changing your thinking, can turn that around if you let it. What if there was no such thing as failure? What if there was no such thing as mistakes or wrong choices, but just opportunities to learn something about yourself, about other people or about life itself? What if you were less focused on outcomes and results and more focused on the processes of doing things and of what you can learn along the way? What would you do if there was no way you could 'fail'? My perspective changed when I read a book by Susan Jeffers called Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. In one part of the book she offers the thought that there is no such thing as a wrong decision when you are faced with two reasonable options. These are the ones that generally give us the most problems. When the choice is clear, it's not a problem. When there are two or more equally viable options that can put us into an agonising spin as we look at pros and cons, possible outcome and probabilities. Her comment on this kind of decision making has changed my life. I can make decisions more easily realising that either way I am likely to learn something and that life will take the turns it will. I can't control everything. I can control my own input, responses and legacy, but not that or those of others. It's better to make a decision and get on with moving towards your goals, whatever they may be, than it is to be stalled in the decision making process for so long that the opportunity disappears all together.

My life in recent times has been undergoing a lot of changes. It is challenging and sometimes I feel scared about making choices and decisions. Sometimes I feel worried that I will choose wrongly and make a fool of myself. In reality I will not make a fool of myself. The greater fool I would make of myself if I never took a chance on life. I'm lucky. I like change. My biggest fear in a sense would be living a life in which I felt dulled and trapped by sameness. The thing is that I wouldn't allow that to happen to me. I have come far enough in life now to make the changes I think I need to in order to keep working towards my personal goals. My goals centre around the kind of life I want to live, the kind of contribution I want to make to the lives of others, and the kind of impact I want to make on the planet. I consider many things when I make decisions and mostly I take my time to consider how my actions will impact on others around me, especially close family and friends. It is important to think about things but not to be caught up in the thinking for too long. I find it helps me to write things down. Writing a list of pros and cons for two options can quickly reveal that one or the other is definitely a better option, or that you are actually loading one side with pros because that is what your heart really wants to do. Either way, it can be helpful in making choices. 

Sometimes our paths are straight and easy to follow. Sometimes we come to a fork in the road and we have to make a decision. Right or left? Right or wrong?

I think it's important to try and focus on what you want, what you're going to do about it, and what you will do if things don't work out the way you think you'd like them to. Think ahead about the idea of looking for the learning in a situation or finding ways to grow. You may find that it's not so scary if you think that you can't make a wrong decision. Whichever way you go, you can't do both and you can never know what could have happened if you'd chosen another option. 

Live your life in a spirit of adventure. Look for opportunities to try something new or to add value and richness to life. Take that trip, even if it's just a day trip. Currently I'm looking at the walks we have here in Tasmania and planning to do a lot of the easier and medium ones to build up to the harder ones. It's a sensible choice to make. I am not afraid of doing a hard walk, but I am being realistic. I want to enjoy doing a harder, longer walk when I do it, and I know I will have a better chance of enjoying it if I put in some work before hand and build up to it. Countless thousands of people have run marathons. Had they just got up one morning and gone out the door to run a marathon, most dare I say would have failed, hurt themselves and perhaps been the subject of some ridicule. Most of them start with some training and build up to the big run after months of preparation. You can maximise your chances of success by doing your preparation, but everything we do contains some element of risk, so take a chance. Write a list. Break things down so that you can be prepared to give it your best shot. Then get out there and live. The biggest risk really is in doing nothing at all. 

Have you made a decision and regretted it? Have you looked at what the lessons were in the things that didn't work out? Did you look at why your decided course of action was a 'failure'? Was it really? Perhaps you just haven't found the lessons yet. 

Always love to hear your thoughts and stories in the comments. Please feel welcome to share!

Sunshine, flowers and time to wander...

This morning I lay in bed and thought about some of the things I might write about for you today; I wondered how many of my old school teachers would still be alive today, and pondered on how the different ones had changed me or influenced my life. It would probably be a good story, haha but I'm going to save it for another day because instead I'm going to share about the lovely day I've had today.

My friend David rocked up pretty early; I'd sent a message asking if he'd like to go walking today if the weather was nice. Well it was a beautiful morning and he'd risen early and walked on the beach and then along to see if I was up and ready to walk too. After a cuppa and some tomatoes on toast, which by the way is one of my very favourite breakfasts, we headed off up the valley in the car. I had some library books that were long overdue (and I hate to let that happen, but it's been such a busy week and the library is 45 minutes away) so I got to return them before the late fees do serious damage to my savings! With that 'have to' out of the way it was back to walking that my thoughts returned. 

We parked along near the Huon River and went for a wander along the boardwalk that runs behind the town and joins up with Flood Road. Took a punt on that leading back to the river and it did so that was good. The day was spectacularly warm, sunny and delicious! It was lovely to hear frogs croaking happily. It gives a place a happy feeling I think. It's good to know that they're still out there and doing okay. Frogs are one of the first things to go when the waters become acid or toxic in any way as they absorb things through their skins. So it was good to know that things are alright for now. I looked down into the ponds that pooled under the little boardwalk bridges hoping to spot some spawn or tadpoles, but it must be a bit too early for that yet. I'd love to pick up a few to watch in the classroom for a little while and then return them when they've grown a bit. Maybe I'll find some next time. I didn't have anything to put them in if I had spotted any, but next time I'll go prepared with a jar at least!

That stroll was enjoyable and we chatted with a friend along the riverside who makes a habit of feeding the ducks and other waterbirds that gather there. She said she didn't do it often as she wouldn't want to make them rely on her. I suspect they do pretty well from the barbeque crowd too, and the people who buy fish n chips from the barge. They were a very fit and healthy bunch of fowl and they waited impatiently while we talked. It's lovely to bump into people you know when you're out. Do you find that too? I always get a kick out of it. It's one of the benefits of taking every opportunity to get out into the community to meet people and to get away from the computer and the tv and go for a walk!

Well, as we got back into the car David mentioned how beautiful the Japanese maples were in Canberra; there were two stunning red barked saplings near the car and I'd commented on them. What do you think about a run up to the Botanical Gardens I asked. Seemed like a plan on such a great day. I love spontaneity...such fun. Soon we were on our way and after a bit of a detour around the Domain in Hobart, we found a place to park the car and our walk continued. Have to mention that the drive was lovely too, with the sun so warm and bright. It has just been one of those truly glorious spring days.

The Botanical Gardens were so enjoyable. Families stolled together in the sun or sat on quilts enjoying a picnic. The azaleas and rhododendrons were spectacular but I was a bit disappointed not to see mass plantings of daffodils. There were some but they were tucked away  out of sight. The tulips that were out were gorgeous as were the poppies, but I think it will be worth heading back in a couple or three weeks to see much more colour. We wandered through the Japanese Garden and strolled amongst the various mammoth artworks displayed here and there. Here there was a party, tucked into a private corner, complete with balloons and white table clothes...and there a wedding with fair haired snowy gowned bride chatting with her guests. It was a joyous celebration of life whichever way we turned. We sat a while in the sun and just soaked it all in. 

Further on I found the oak forest and spent some time returning to childhood, skating through the shin-deep dry leaves and kicking them into the air, just for fun. I stood with wonder beneath a giant oak, not an English oak, but one of other heritage. It was so alive, so huge, so magnificent. David had walked on ahead up the path, but I walked slowly around this wondrous giant and touched each low slung arm and told it...you are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are beautiful...it's beauty almost took my breath away. I whispered and felt a child-like wonder engulf me. I guess that's being in the moment. Being alone in nature and allowing myself to feel it was such a spiritual experience. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. 

Later on we rejoined to wander through the eucalyptus forest and marvel at the patterns on the spotted gum and the clever design of the Wombat One Bush Pavillion. We shared stories along the way of gardens and forests and trees we'd each encountered through our lives, memories provoked in such a place. It was such a lovely day. It's a long time since I've spent almost a whole day outside. It feels really good. Hope you had a good day too, whatever you were doing. Sunshine and flowers and time to wander; shared stories, laughter and companionship...a recipe for time well spent!

Where has the day gone??

I began the day with such good intentions. I had written a list last night with all the things I needed to achieve because the next few days are going to be BUSY! At this point the list has been missing for about ten hours and I'm not sure that I've done any of the things that were on it. I've taken two lots of analgesics because I've got a nagging sinus headache which is not going anywhere it seems. I've defrosted, heated and eaten a huge bowl of laksa soup with rice noodles for lunch. I've had coffee or tea and biscuits with two visitors. I've had a shower and washed my hair. I've written some rough notes for a writing project based on my experiences as a mature-age online 'dater'. That will take a while because I'll need to change a lot of details to protect the innocent! I'm hoping to be able to share what I've learned through the experiences I've had! 

I've looked for the list. A few times. 

I read some of my blog posts to my Dad who was one of my visitors. I cried when I read the Miss Universe one to him. He said he nearly cried too. I'm impressed that I was so moved by my own story. I hope that's not too weird. I also realised that I use sentences that are too long. Any of you that have tried to read any of my blogs out loud...phew...you must have good lungs!! I will try to practice more frequent punctuation!

I don't know what's happened to the list. 

I do remember I need to pack a bag for travelling on Friday and one for babysitting on Saturday. I do need to prep some materials for working tomorrow. I seriously hope I am less head-achy in the morning. I like to bring freshness and fun and energy to my teaching whenever possible. It's a tough call when there's a headache in residence. I'm going to try to write in shorter sentences. I like to read aloud and I've been encouraging you all to do the same. I'll read this one out to myself before I post so that I know it's workable! Of course when I'm writing I'm just following my thinking and it rolls like a train going downhill...gathering momentum! So my apologies to those of you who might have been struggling with it. I'll try to stay calm and more staccato in my commentaries!

My first visitor for the day was my good friend Boots. We've known each other since April; we met through an online dating site. He bought me the beautiful walking boots I told you about. Tonight he emailed me this picture taken on a recent trek to the Alum Cliffs from Kingston Beach near Hobart. He thought it might be useful for my blog. So here it is. We both enjoy walking and travel so I hope to write of day trips over the summer. Perhaps some camping too. We'll see. My hair is actually quite long at present but I had become warm and had used the scarf from around my neck to tie my hair back out of the way. 

I'm not sure if I like the purple, the green, the red or the sepia me best, but I guess that like the picture I have many different colours. I'm sure we all do. The walk to the Alum Cliffs is a lovely one; about an hour each way. As I feel fitter I'd like to tackle some longer walks. Two on my list are Cockle Creek to South Cape and  Adamson's Peak. No time frame on those. I know I want to enjoy them so I need to be fitter. That will mean walking every day for a while and getting some hills in too. I've been so slack lately. It's strange how motivation comes and goes. It's all in my head, I know. Anyway, now that I've got those lovely boots and a friend to walk with, I really have no excuses do I?

The day has been chilly and I've kept the fire stoked. It's cosy in the lounge but the issue there is that I am reluctant to go to other parts of the house to get jobs done. Clever me! At the start of winter I moved my computer from my office (cold room at the front of the house - great in summer!) into the lounge. Alas, it means that I am often writing when I probably ought to be doing other things. Never mind...soon summer will return and the computer will be escorted back to the office and perhaps I'll spend more time outside again.

I can't imagine what happened to the list.

Let's hope the next few days go smoothly. Let's hope there wasn't anything too vital on the list. Fingers crossed. I find that happens sometimes. I write a long list of things I should get done and then the day goes by and nothing terrible happens. It's ok. I do eventually get everything done that needs to be done and quite often things that were on those list were just me thinking too much! 

Life is simple really. Don't over think it. Keep your lists short. Give yourself a break. Everything will be ok. 

Oh, just by the way, I read somewhere once a cute little story about a man who gets up at the end of the evening and says "Good night. I'm off to bed," and he goes to bed. His wife says, "I'm right behind you." She gets up, notices the cups on the coffee table and takes them to the kitchen and rinses them. She remembers that her son has sport practice tomorrow after school and checks his bag for his uniform. Phew...it's smelly so she pops in for a quick wash and will toss it in the drier. While she's waiting she waters a few plants and wipes the splash back behind the kitchen sink. She notices a spill from making the coffee earlier and runs the mop over that part of the floor. Gosh the rest looks mucky now, so she runs the mop over the whole kitchen and dining space. The washer is spinning. She pops into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wipes the toilet, the sink and the mirror down and removes a great wad of hair from the shower drain. She puts a new toilet roll on the empty holder. She brushes her teeth, throws the sports uniform into the drier and heads towards the bedroom. She sees that no-one has shut the computer down yet so thinks she'll just check her emails so she's ahead of things for the morning....and on it goes.

Have you heard that story? Or one similar? Does it ring true for you too? This is how it will work with my list. I will fill my hot water bottle and put it in my bed to warm, or I may even get into bed...and then I'll remember. Oh, no!! I can't go to bed yet because I have to....whatever it is that cannot wait until morning. It's almost sure to happen tonight. Perhaps I should head off to bed early just in case. 

May the list be with you. 

100 things - I found them!

Yesterday I found that little sheet of green paper I told you about...the one that at first confounded me when I tried to write down things that I like. 100 seemed impossible at the time. Well here is what it holds today. I haven't added anything for a while and if I started the list again it might look quite different. I wonder if we share any 'likes'. Enjoy. 

Starting at the top left hand corner:

1. white gold jewellery, hippie beads, vests - layers, scarves, twin sets, silky pyjamas, lacy underwear, boots that clack! comfy shoes, feminine clothes
2. Zibibbo -  yum! smoked salmon, cherries, mushrooms, omelette, tea, good water, asparagus, curry, rice, fresh salads
3. pink, orange, red, purple, blue, staying in nice hotels, swishy skirts, scoop 'v' or boat necklines
4. k.d. lang, Missy Higgins, Neil Young, Jim Croce, Hinder, Pink, the Fray, Sacred Space
5. sarongs, Indian silk cushions, candles, soft lights, throws, carpets, tiles
6. velvet, silk, knitted cotton, denim, cotton, soft wool, bonfire nights, rocks and boulders
7. the ocean, sea breezes, trickling streams, verandahs, moonlight walks, moonlight on the water, silhouettes, my kids
8. magazines, books, films, astrology, music, friends, dinner parties

That's one side done. Other side:

1. my computer, my car, sporty cars with hot wheel trims (smiley face), red cars, silver cars, washing clothes, bath by candlelight
2. Brothers and Sisters, Friends, Neighbours (now a Home and Away fan...it's my mother's fault!), Judge John Deed, Medium, House, NCIS (not any more...I've gone right off cop shows), Vicar of Dibley, red toenails
3. buying presents, when someone phones me, phone chats, writing cards and letters, receiving cards and letters, just being held, hugs, holding hands, kisses, more hugs
4. Sliding Doors, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Stuck On You, Legally Blonde, my banjo, A Beautiful Mind, Beautiful Dreamers
5. Travelling, foot rubs, massage (giving and receiving), learning, yoga, loving, meditation, tulips, roses, peony roses, walking, jogging
6. knitting, crochet, quilting, mending things, gardening (but not too much!), pot gardens, painting, collage, picking flowers, making daisy chains
7. whippets, ratties, butterflies, frogs, violets, gerberas, succulents, hanging baskets
8. beaches; windswept/wild/rugged, cottages on a cliff, boats bobbing at anchor, walking, swimming in a freshwater pool, moonrise over the ocean

You'll notice there are eight groups on each side. That's because I folded the paper and began to think in terms of groups of things to get me started. As I've squeezed words into the little spaces that are left, the groupings have lost their way a bit. There are some random things in there but that's ok.

If you haven't made your own list yet...or at least started, I hope this will give you courage! I must admit to laughing at some of these things. I've never owned a twin set but I've always loved the look of them on glamourous women. Readers who know me will chuckle at that because glamourous is something I'm never likely to be! I notice that walking found it's way on there twice. That's ok too. It's my list. It can have anything I like on it - that's the whole point!

The comment I've added after NCIS is very true for me. I used to watch all sorts of crime and detective shows but after a break from them for a while I find them horribly disturbing to watch now. It's true that you can become desensitised to violence at least to some extent. I have found the opposite to be true as well...if you take yourself away from those images for a while, you may find as I did that you react very strongly to them when you see them again. I no longer want to watch any of those shows. I would prefer to watch something humorous or uplifting, or to read a good book. 

I think it's important to be discerning about what you allow into your head via your eyes, your ears and your thinking. Find beautiful things to watch, to read, to look at, to think about. I'm sure it is a good and simple way to feel better. 

Sadly I no longer have a banjo to like but I still enjoy knee-slapping, toe-tapping bluegrass banjo! Maybe I'll get another one someday. I have not added reading to the list but that is something I love. I am never, ever bored!

With love, Kerry

Anxiety my miserable friend...you're back again

I've spent the past twenty-four hours tortured by my old friend ANXIETY. I'm guessing that some of you will know him well. Sorry about the him...it is for convenience and I really attach no gender specificity to this friend of mine...so for today and for the purpose of sharing this with you, it will be a he! He rocks up at the most unexpected moments. That's what I find. Everything is going along swimmingly and I'm on top of the world and then someone will say something or I'll have a thought and 'BOOM!' he appears out of nowhere. And then he stays. He nags and irritates and makes life a misery until I finally welcome him and say...ok...speak to me...and I listen a while. I did that today after putting up with his rubbish for a whole night and day...and here is what happened.

When I embrace Anxiety and ask him to speak to me, I find out that he's full of lies. He'll tell me that I'm not enough, that others judge me unfairly, that I'm not pretty enough, haha. He'll remind me of all the things I haven't done yet and all the things I've tried and failed at. He'll tempt me with suggestions that I might just as well give up...that he's never going to leave this time. He sits firmly on my upper chest and makes every breath a labour...every thought a mocking taunt. So I gave him the chance to speak. He gave me a list and I wrote it down. All the things that are 'wrong' with me and 'wrong' with life. Yes there are some things that have been bugging me. It's just when a few of them back up without me dealing with them that Anxiety takes hold of them and begins ramming them down my throat...stifling me and my creativity...causing me to feel helpless and unable to plan, to organise, to do what needs to be done. I wallow in this helplessness and realise that it is not where I want to be and that if I don't do something soon I'll be very unhappy with the huge waste of time and energy that this little indulgence has amounted to. I ask myself...what is the opposite of all this perceived woe in my life...all the things that are worrying me in small ways and large. 

To give you an example of how I find myself in this kind of predicament, last night I sat and watched Schindler's List. It was gobsmackingly awful and shocking and brutal. It made me feel ashamed to be a human being. That has happened to me before; I read the book Mommy Dearest by Frances Farmer when I was much younger. That made me feel that way too. It took me three years to get past that and get on with life. That may seem ridiculous to some of you, but it touched me so deeply in my soul...I wonder how some people survive the horrors visited on them by other human beings. They must be the hardest of all to survive. 

So I watched this incredible film by megastar movie maker Steven Spielberg, ten years after it was made. I've heard the name of it and knew it was about someone who saved some Jewish people during the Holocaust, and I always meant to watch it and simply hadn't had the opportunity. So last night I watched. The movie, for those who haven't seen it yet and surely I must be one of the few, was filmed in stunning period black and white. Only twice did I see a hint of colour, once in a child's coat and once in the candles lit by the Jewish people to celebrate the Sabbath in Schindler's factory. 

I listened afterwards to the stories of people who had been survivors and heard the story of the Shaoh Foundation which has seen the recording of 52 000 stories of the Holocaust. I marvelled at the work being done to try and stop this from ever happening again...because it has happened many times in different places around the world...where hatred, fear and distrust have become rulers for a time...at such great cost. I hope the stories reach the ears of young people. It is in the fact that the stories are about humans...on both 'sides' that makes it all so frightening. It was not all horror but it was harrowing. Those who tried to help put themselves and loved ones at such great risk...but they couldn't stand by and do nothing. 

Anyway, I was deeply touched by the movie and the human suffering and on top of a few other things that were bothering me (of a trifling nature by comparison...moronic even!) it allowed my old friend Anxiety to drop in to do his work on me. This time however, and I didn't have these 'tools' when I was younger and became stuck for such a long time in an awful state, I thought about what is the opposite of all this grief and suffering I put myself through. It is right to feel the pain these people went through and anguish at the cruelty and inhumanity in so many situations, but I cannot change history. It will not help if I remain miserable. I can tell about it here and maybe it will touch another heart and change a mind...perhaps. But for my life now, for me in the here and now, I needed to be grateful. To be thankful. I have written about gratitude before and it is such a wonderful antidote to so much suffering we can put ourselves through. 

I had my journal out as I'd been writing down my woes (the things that were bothering me) and so now I wrote a new heading...I am so grateful for...and I started writing. I began to feel the tightness shift. Anxiety was losing his foothold. I kept going. I wrote about the love of family and friends, I wrote about creativity and blessings and humour. I wrote about fresh food and privilege and wonder. As I wrote, Anxiety disappeared and was replaced by Relaxation and Pleasure. I am so much happier with these two friends hanging on.

Anxiety has his place in my life and I welcome him and thank him for showing me what is bothering me. He gets me to remind myself that I'm enough. That I do enough and am pretty enough, haha. I thank him for getting me to pay attention once more to all the beautiful, bright and good things in my life which are so numerous and so immense that I cannot express them in sheer words. I have opened my heart and my arms once more to embrace the passion for my job, for my writing and for my life. You're such a stinker, Anxiety, when you take so long to get me to this place of welcoming Relaxation and Pleasure back. Even a day is too long to be lost in sadness, especially about things I cannot change. Life is difficult sometimes, but if I spend my time focused on what is good and right and beautiful, most of the time the other things fade or take care of themselves somehow. Thanks for the reminders Anxiety. I'm all good now. Thanks for dropping by. I don't mind if you leave it a while before you're back this way again. Ciao.

Sticking together...what did you want to say with your vote?

It is with some trepidation that I venture into this post, but there are some things I'm thinking that I'd like to share and maybe some people out there can correct me or wise me up or whatever needs to happen here if I'm on the wrong track. I'm don't have much in the way of political savvy, but I do know that I dislike the pointless ranting and point scoring of many political figures who gather at rallies and galas to celebrate their egos while there are people starving in our world. It seems to me that we need some real heart to come into all these discussions because we are not just talking dollars and mineral resources, trees and electrical supply, leaky boats and lost jobs. We are talking about people; people who are not having their basic needs met and human rights honoured. I'm not just talking about those we hear about through Amnesty International or other human rights organisations, but people  in our own local communities; in our own cities. Nonetheless, we are part of the population of a whole planet. Not just a town, a state, a country.

Right now I feel pretty sad and worried...not so much about the outcome of yesterday's voting here in Australia, because whoever 'wins' there will be some people unhappy with it...but moreso about the attitudes of people I know to be good people behaving in a way like children going Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah...We're the Winners, You're the LOSERS, Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah. Or on the other hand...you idiots that voted the new government in...you'll be sorry...you'll see...

The way I see it, we each make a very thoughtful choice as we put pencil to paper in the privacy of our cardboard cubicles at the polling stations. It is horribly disrespectful and unreasonable to ridicule or condemn someone for the way they choose to vote or for the parties or people they choose to back. In the end we need ALL of us to have a say...somehow. Most of us are thinking and caring individuals who want to to make the world a better place for ourselves or for our kids. This is good but perhaps we need to be looking a bit further than that. Creating division (further division) in our society is not going to help anyone. We have to find a way to work together to have some sort of balance in government here in Australia and across the world so that environments are protected, agriculture and business are sustainable and people have enough (food, freedom, choice, security...what things are important for ALL people??). It shouldn't be a warlike taking of sides; of winners and losers. While we are operating in that climate we are all losers because relationships are damaged and there are always people who are not being cared for. We have to find a way to work together.

Instead of condemning someone for voting differently to you, perhaps you could start a conversation. Perhaps you could ask with real interest...what was the reason behind your choice? What are the issues that concern you most? What do you believe that person/party stands for? It seems to me it's time to be having more conversations about things and realising that we need people to work together to manage our country and our welfare in the context of the whole world economy and natural environment, because one thing does not exist without another; all are linked. The small choices we make in day to day life affect others across the world, whether we choose to acknowledge that or not. We don't need winners and losers; we need people who care about all people. What if people were  voted into government because of their personal qualities, skills and strengths to negotiate and work for all people...not just 'their' voters. I wonder how it could work if there were no parties, but just people who would put their hands up and say yes, I'd be willing to work with others to make the world a fairer and more equitable place for all.

In a sense it's like religion, it's like ethnicity, it's like any other collection of humanity where there is diversity. If we look we can find common ground to meet on. Anger has a place only in seeing people or other beings mis-treated and then let the anger motivate action towards remedy. 

If you think I'm an unrealistic fool then that's ok. I'd rather be an unrealistic fool than to add more fuel to fires that divide us humans to fight against one another. Listen to one another's concerns. You might find some merit in another point of view and be able to influence your chosen 'party' to move closer to a balanced management instead of one skewed in one direction or another. Reality is that we are all different and have different likes, dislikes and priorities. Have you ever sat down and wondered what your core values are? What are the things that really matter to you? I've included a couple of links here so that you might take a look and reflect on what does really matter to you in life and living. I hope you will. I hope you'll find that it's not all about winning and losing, but about people, relationships, and shared responsibility. 

http://mikedesjardins.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/core-values-worksheet.pdf
http://enspireme.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Core-Values-Exercise.pdf

The government we have today is one we've voted for together. No vote is wasted as long as you used it to say what you wanted to say. All you have to do is make sure you know what you want to say first. If it turns out too late for you for this time, there's always next time. Let's all try to work together to create a better world. We have to start small...with ourselves. 

PS Whoever you voted for, remember that it is your right to petition government to address need where you see it. I admit that I've not done much in the way of writing to government in recent years. In writing this for you today, I'm reminded that my responsibility doesn't end with that pencil mark on voting day. It's so easy to pen a few lines and post them off to bring attention to problems that need to be seen and addressed. In these days of online petitions, I wonder if the power of the pen is still in the handwritten letter delivered by snail mail. Politicians know this takes a little more effort and just maybe they ought to take notice. I remember hearing once that one letter written represents 1000 people who feel the same way. Letters are important and powerful. I might just make it a personal priority to put pen to paper more often. Join with me and choose something that touches your heart and decide to do what you can to make a difference. We're all in this together. 

Beware the rogues!

Motivated to write this post after an interesting experience I had today. I had some problems with my Outlook Express. I tried to send an email to my lovely tax man but it kept bouncing back to me saying it was being rejected as spam. I tried several things myself like closing the program and re-opening, writing to different addresses and so on. Nothing simple seemed to work. I didn't try turning the computer off and turning it on again as a friend later suggested I should have, so who knows...that may have fixed the problem. However, it seemed to me that I needed some expert guidance or advice. I started the hunt with Optus as they are my inet provider but they led me on a wild goose chase. I spoke to two different people there on their technical support team. One told me to find the messageblocker email address on their website and to send the blocked email to them explaining what I was sending it for and blah, blah, blah. Of course it wouldn't send so there was not much point...but I tried. The second person suggested all sorts of things to try, many the same as person number one, but he didn't send me to the messageblocker page. He did try his own email and said it was blocking too...so I said goodbye and decided to leave it a while. He rang me back soon after and said his was working again...was mine. I went through a lot of the same processes yet again and mine still was not working. 

It doesn't take long to write about it but it took up a lot of my day, let me tell you. Having no joy there, he suggested that there must be a problem with my Outlook Express system and to contact them. I Googled and found a phone contact and rang. A very nice man spoke to me about what was happening and offered to put me in touch with a technical support. This started to feel right. He was so kind and helpful. The techy support was an on-screen chat. I had to enter a code to allow that to happen and without letting me know first I found that I had given the techy access to and control over my computer. Not to worry...I have nothing to hide or be too concerned about I don't think. We had a friendly chat and 'cathy' told me that I had loads of problems with my computer but NOT to worry because she could fix it all so everything would be safe and working properly. She used my computer to find some coding and put a big red circle around some code that she said was the problem. Great I said, that will be great...let's do it. Sure, she said. There are two ways we can do it. Would you like me to tell you about the two plans we can use to do it? 

That got my attention. It had all been very smooth and sweet up until that point and now they had me feeling vulnerable they were coming in for the kill. We can do a one off fix today for $179 or you can have push-button access to our support for two full years for only $399! I might not have the figures quite right but you get the drift. Well, I don't like to cry poor, but I have only a two days a week contract this year and the odd relief day. I haven't sold a terrible lot of toys and I don't have a bank balance...at all really. So I didn't have the money to do any of these things. I said I couldn't afford to do anything like that today. Well if you can pay $79.99 I can fix it for you right now! Wow that was a big drop! If I wasn't completely suspicious to start with, I was by now. I'm sorry I said, I can't do that either. I'll just try to live with the problem and see how I go. A little box appeared...Would you like to end this conversation...yes or no...What had happened to friendly and helpful cathy? She was gone. I only got a box with two options to click on, yes or no. When I clicked on yes another box came up saying not very politely...This conversation is ended. Wow. Then a little feedback form appeared. Well, I said, perhaps you should mention at the beginning that you are going to charge for fixing the problem and it could save a lot of people a lot of time. But no, they could not get you into that vulnerable position if they let you know up front. Beware. Never feel guilty to say no, no matter how sweet and helpful they are. If you don't want to pay then don't. If you want to try something else first...say no thank you...or I'll get back to you later. 

This is what I did next. I thought to myself that I could accept that there were probably some problems in my computer...perhaps some viruses or something...and I had allowed my AVG trial to lapse. I went to the AVG page and downloaded their trial version again. I ran the repair option and then did a scan. It found nothing and it seems that with a simple shut down and restart all the problems have disappeared. For now anyway. Just thought I'd share that story as it's easy to feel like you have to pay for someone to fix it all when in fact perhaps you don't. Whilst I didn't get to work today, I did save myself nearly $200 by being alert and not too scared to say no. In fact, I think many of the people would choose the almost $400 deal because it is by far the better option. But if you can sort it out with AVG and not spend anything then you're way ahead. At least it's worth a try before you part with your hard-earned cash. 

Best of luck, and as my friend says (with an Irish accent...I'm not sure why but it's very funny) 'Have you turned it off and turned it on again?' Always try that first! And really now, I should leave you with an Irish Blessing. I found this online and hope the owners won't mind me sharing it with you. 

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My Bookshelf

You can probably imagine, given the fact that I've chosen a background of bookshelves for my blog, that I am a lover of books and the written word. I love what a book can do for me. It can make me feel. Much like theatre in a sense I suppose. In some ways reading a book is like having your own private live theatre session in your head! The actors play on the pages of your mind, dancing this way and that through their challenges and trials. In the same way as we observe the players on the stage, we observe the characters in stories. They come alive in us for a time. We feel their joy, their pain, their confusion or fear. I'm trying to think back to school days and really the only 'reading' I can bring to mind is the bored drone of the 'read aloud' times in high school. Most kids hated doing it I think. It's a bit like public speaking but you can't ad-lib. You have to read words that are not your own and that you have no conviction for. It's a tough call really. Do you read aloud in your house? I love to read aloud. I love to share things I've found that I think are funny or thought provoking...they are even better once shared and it's fun to know that someone else also finds them funny or interesting.

We spent some time living on a cruising yacht (a steel Roberts 36 for those in the know) and one of the most wonderful things about that time, apart from the closeness to the ocean and her inhabitants, was the amount of time I had to read. We hadn't a television and most of the time we were beyond the reach of radio signals, so we read...to ourselves and to each other. In the cosy confines of the boat we went on adventures far beyond those we ourselves experienced as we read of intrepid sailors trapped in the great southern ocean bereft of their mast and with bilges awash in Once is Enough by Miles Smeeton. The incredible spirit of those people to survive in the conditions they did was awe-inspiring but also a rollicking good tale! We read about the Robertson family whose boat was sunk by killer whales and how they survived adrift in a life raft for 37 days in Survive the Savage Sea by Dougal Robertson. I went through a stage where I read dozens of Agatha Christie and Ngaio Marsh books of crime and detection. I loved John Steinbeck's novels too, burgeoning with social and political comment. I devoured them all! Each time we sailed into a new harbour, I would bundle up the books we had finished reading and head to the local second-hand shop to donate those and look for a new stash for the next part of our journey. Sometimes when we met up with other yachties we would exchange books too. I miss those times so much. It's hard to recreate that way of living with the distraction of television and computer and 'other things to do'!

I recently joined a Book Group. I heard about Book Groups when I first returned to Tasmania after 15 years away and I thought that sounded like a great idea. It took me a while to find a group with room for me but now that I have I am so pleased. I have been introduced to a new way of looking at books and enjoy the round table discussions as the others in the group share their own particular insights and feelings about the different authors, characters, settings and plots. I have been introduced to some beautiful women who have travelled widely and have broad and fascinating life experience. I love to hear their stories and I enjoy gaining new perspectives as I hear their points of view. After all, we each tackle a book from our own personal place in the world, so for some of us a description of a place or time awakens old and rich memories whilst for others it might spark the imagination as we have to create it for ourselves from the words. I've also been introduced to some new authors (for me!) and have enjoyed exploring their ways of looking at the world. I've never been a great one for historical novels really, although I did stride through Shogun  by James Clavell and Roots by Alex Haley years ago, but I really enjoyed reading Jane Grenville's Secret River and Alice Hoffman's Blackbird House. I'm looking forward to new literary delights as the months unfold. 

I love that friends share favourite reads on Facebook so that I can chase those books up on their recommendation, and that takes me to new places as well. Thank you and keep it up ladies! 

As for my bookshelf...well if you've been reading my blog for a while you might know that I had a big clear-out recently and donated 5 large bags of books to the local charity bookseller in our little shopping centre. I looked at the shelves and realised that many of the books I had there were not that likely to be used...perhaps they could be more use to someone else. I don't have books just for the sake of looking at them on the shelf. I like to use books. It's nice to keep them for a while after I've read them because seeing their names printed neatly on their spines can bring me back to the pleasure I had in reading them. But then surely it is better to pass them on and let someone else have that pleasure too. The funniest thing is that the day I sent all that lot on its way, a neighbour turned up on my doorstep with a bag of books for me! Fine books...lovely books that I have enjoyed...If you don't want them she said, pass them on! 

On my bookshelf I have a number of books that I will lend but I like to think they will come back to me. They are the ones that have been part of my journey in the last few years as I've worked out some of the bumpy bits of life...of my own history...and ironed out some wrinkles...in my thinking. These books have become friends and companions. They remind me of where I've been and that I'm in a better place now in so many ways. There are a few that are gifts and they will be read in due turn and enjoyed and loved because someone has thought that I might like what they contain. Some remain because I have sought them for their memories value. One of those is Use Your Loaf by Ursul Norman. It is a fantastic book of bread recipes and I borrowed it from the library years ago when my children were small and I used to make many of the beautiful breads therein. I bought myself a copy recently online for only a few dollars. I think about baking bread again. I like to see it there. Taste of Life by Julie Stafford is there. It reminds me of a years long journey with Bill and his cancer. It reminds me of all the reading and learning we did over the years as we tried to understand and live with this menace flashing on the dashboard of life. Other books that helped during that time were Ross Horne's The Health Revolution (and The New Health Revolution by the same author) and many of Ian Gawler's books including  You Can Conquer Cancer. Most of the time those kinds of books have been passed on to others who have shown interest in alternative modes of viewing cancer management. 

I still have many of the reference books from doing my degree because they cost a lot of money and I keep telling myself that I'll get back and read them again...more carefully and more thoroughly than I ever made time for when I was studying. That will make sense to some of you out there! One of those is The Short Story: An Introduction, purchased for a Literary and Cultural Studies semester while I decided whether to continue my teaching degree or head in some other direction. I am so grateful for that time as it gave my brain time to flex some different muscle as I began to learn about the wonders of writing and the role of text and images in our society. I wouldn't have missed that for anything. I might never have read the story Patriotism by Yukio Mishima or Gogol's Wife by Tommaso Landolfi...I would not wish to rob myself of those experiences by sailing a straight path. Meandering gave me riches I may never have found otherwise. 

My bookshelf holds a couple of the Chicken Soup series by Jack Canfield and friends for those times when a short story is more the thing; a little something to encourage or delight that doesn't require much thought!.  I have books that invite me to think and some that invite me to remember. Some will stay and stay. Some will eventually go their way. 

Reading aloud...a few weeks ago I borrowed a copy of Grimm's Fairytales from the library. A friend and I read some stories to each other from that book. We are both in our fifties and we both enjoyed the roles of reader and listener. It brings a new way of sharing a book...and of sharing time together. I know sometimes in the city there are readings in secret little cafes buried deep in back alleys and there enthusiasts share the magic of sharing the written word out loud. If you haven't tried it for a while I hope you will. Someone questioned recently "Why don't we read to kids when they get older? Why do we stop reading to them? Just because they can read themselves doesn't mean they don't enjoy being read to." I hope you might think about that too. What do you think?

I can't share all the treasures my bookshelf holds, nor imagine those it will entertain in the future...I only wish I had more time to read. I am so happy to be a reader; a bookworm I was called at school. I know I will go on exploring new horizons in my mind for as long as my eyes can see. I know you're a reader too or you wouldn't be reading this now...so I hope you might find a title to tempt you among those I've mentioned...it is my gift to you. I hope too that you might share one of your gems with me and other readers in the comments. Thank you!! 

PS One treasure I lost when we lived on the boat and the main hatch leaked ruining all my cookbooks was Curries From the Burra Bazaar by Doris Ady. If you have a copy you would like to re-home...or that I could borrow to copy from, please let me know!

How to spend 99 dollars

On Friday I was talking to a lady about my Bright Bugs Mobile Toy Shop business and during the conversation she asked me if I'd been to see The Phantom of the Opera. It has been showing in Hobart over recent weeks and I had thought about it numerous times and didn't quite get there. It is expensive to go to live theatre. I hadn't looked at the cost of the tickets at that time but when I thought about going I decided it wouldn't fit my budget just now and let the idea go. Now this lovely lady was asking me "Have you been?"
Then she added the clincher. "MY SON IS IN IT!" "Oh, I said, what part does he play?"
She told me he was Piangi. I didn't know there was a character called Piangi. I didn't really know the story; I just love live theatre. I love that things can go wrong. I love that they are real people on the stage and that they have the power to touch my soul with what they do up there. And here I was talking to the mother of one of the actors and she said the show was fantastic; I could feel her pride in her son's achievement. "There are only two more shows - tonight and tomorrow night, " she added. 

I called to my good mate Sue and asked if she had been to see it. No she hadn't and yes she'd love to so that was it. I was going to check the website when I got home and see if there were any tickets left. Luckily there were and after some quick discussions about the cost and seating options, which were somewhat limited at this late hour, I booked two tickets in the Gallery of the very old and very beautiful Theatre Royal in Hobart for Saturday night. The finale. The tickets cost ninety-nine dollars each. I know I've said I'd like a pair of boots and that would have gone a long way towards buying some but instead I bought an experience. It was a good decision. Boots could never have given me the joy I felt sitting in that theatre and marvelling at the glorious decor, rich with gold paint and art deco embellishments. They would not have given the feeling of anticipation as I perched on my narrow bench seat up 'in the Gods' listening to the strains of familiar melodies prior to the show. Live music. The pit held an orchestra and they wove their magic as a packed theatre sat enthralled. I can only try to put into words such an experience, but really, you had to be there. 

There had been some remarks on Facebook about it being a very good show so I was really looking forward to seeing it all for myself. There was not one inkling of disappointment. It was simply brilliant. Every member of the cast was fantastic. That mum I spoke to had every reason and more to be over the moon with her son's performance. If I was his mum I'd have tried to be there every night to marvel at this wonderful actor with a glorious voice that existed because of me. So Piangi was a wonderful character. I'm glad his mum got me there to see that. The singing was breath-takingly beautiful. I found myself holding my breath as the women took on impossibly high notes and sustained them with such clarity, so I mean that very literally; breath-taking.. That is what the ninety-nine dollars gets you. No squeaky microphones or squealing speakers. Pure, clear angelic sound. It was beyond beautiful. 

I didn't know the story of The Phantom of the Opera, but now I do. It spoke to my heart about the ostracised, the unloved and unlovable in our communities. It wrenched my heart as I saw the tenderness the poor man felt for his chosen love. I felt her terror as his deformity was revealed, but also her compassion. Raw emotion was constantly evident in the performance of the phantom. One could feel his isolation, his heart bursting with a need to love and be loved, his raw anger at his terrible affliction that stood as an unyielding wall between him and others. It called on us all to have compassion for the those perceived as lowly or lesser beings by our callous judgement of appearance. That is the purpose of theatre. That is why people write theatre and perform it. I don't believe it is just for the applause or the camaraderie they feel during all those rehearsals; the friends they make. I believe it is because they know they can touch the hearts of their audiences through their gestures, their expressions, their words, their songs. A person could not sit through that performance and come away untouched or unchanged. 

Costumes are a big part of the spectacle of live theatre and I smiled over and over again as we were presented with such a fabulous array of sparkling, grand and spectacular outfits prancing and swaying and sashaying across the stage. They were the icing on the cake of this great night out. It was a feast for the senses in every way. The three hours, part of which was a short interval mid-way through, went by in a flash. I was worried that it would be a long time to sit. Well I hardly noticed it and would gladly have sat another hour or two to be so lavishly entertained. 

Forever now, when I hear the music from the show I will be transported back to last night, sitting in the Gods...not terribly comfortable but totally engaged and embraced by the magic of just being there. Thank you Piangi's mum for speaking to me about the show and giving me that last chance to get myself there to see it. It was a very grand experience and worth every penny.