Hands-On Happiness

Today was a day of treasures for me. Firstly I got myself up to town this morning, full of excitement, to meet up with a woman I had known 46 years ago at school. We have been in touch on Facebook for the past few years and as she lives in the United Kingdom, we have exchanged snail mail and had a few 'chats' online and that has been lovely. I knew she was visiting mainland Australia and hoped to come and visit Tasmania one day and then suddenly, out of the blue, came a message that she was coming to Hobart for the day with her sister, brother-in-law and one of their grandchildren. They planned to visit Salamanca Markets and would I be able to meet up for lunch. How exciting! 

So yes, today we met up for the first time in 46 years and it was wonderful. She is a treasure and I feel very lucky to have such a beautiful and caring friend. We shared stories about our lives, of course, and laughed and smiled at some memories...but best of all, we didn't run out of things to talk about and we'll be able to catch up again when she returns with her husband later this year. New friends are silver, old friends are gold. There is something precious about rekindling friendships from the past. Shared history and all that. It's really nice.

Too soon the time came for her to leave, but I had kind of made a plan to take myself on an artist's date to the museum with what remained of the afternoon. Julia Cameron speaks of the importance of a weekly artist's date to help unleash creativity, so I'm all for that! After a hurried farewell to the travellers who were heading up to Richmond on their way to the airport, I wandered over to the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery. Ah, what a glorious place it is. Another priceless treasure that I have not visited in recent times. 

The cavernous interior, accessed via almost tunnel-like timber clad corridor, expands upwards and draws one into its mysteries with the beckoning of sight and curious sound. It's delectable to the senses. How can a person not be enthralled? It holds treasures too...and you never know what you might find! I had remembered hearing or reading something about a patterns exhibition and being a teacher of young children, patterns are of infinite interest. I was thrilled to find it was still showing and couldn't wait to see just what it might be. It was wonderful. More than I could have imagined. A feast of fun!

There were a number of people enjoying the exhibits and I asked them if I might photograph their hands to show what they were doing. I have included them here and must note that each individual was thoroughly engrossed in what they were doing and hardly paused to give me the okay. Hopefully they will look in some time and find their hands here. Hands-on happiness was what I saw. It was lovely to see and although I didn't make or do, I shared in my own way by recording it with a few snaps. Joyful time it was.

Collage on disc to go on spinning disc wall

Another collage disc underway

And one more. The discs could be put on a turn-table similar to a record player to see how the patterns looked when they were spinning. Many were mounted on vertical spinning turn-tables on the wall. It was pretty spectacular!

Two more sets of busy hands creating pattern art

There were calico bandannas ready to stencil with bright patterns

More hands working on another bandanna

The lovely Museum staff member who showed me how to make the amazing kaleidoscopes work. How fascinating they were, all along the wall and all different, changing as she moved her hand across the sensor.

This was part of a huge collage. I think I'd enjoy doing something like this one day!

The designer of the exhibition. How wonderful it must be to give people permission to play in this way!

Patterns in nature were not overlooked. There were many more beetles sporting vibrant metallic patterns as well as less gaudy examples such as spots on quolls to help camouflage them at night in the moonlight

 I'm not going to show you any more as if you are in Tasmania it will be much more fun for you to make your way along to the exhibition and have a look and a play for yourself. I'm so glad I went as I came away inspired and looking at patterns in a whole new way!

Right next door to the Pattern Bandits was another exhibition that drew me to wander through. Migrant Women...that should be interesting, I thought. I enjoyed looking at furniture and home decorating reminiscent of my early childhood and teen years. Eventually I found my way to a film booth and sat entranced for an hour listening to the stories of women who migrated to Tasmania during the 1940s, 50s & 60s. They had travelled as young women from England, Italy, Greece, Turkey and Poland. 

Their stories were fascinating and as they described the photos that they had carried carefully to their new lives in Australia, and those taken during the years after often to be sent home to families in their countries of origin, I noticed parallels between them and the photographs carefully hoarded in my own family. The familiarity was somehow shocking and comforting all at once. It gave me new insight into how it might have been for my own parents who migrated back in the early 60s. More treasures. Knowings. Understanding unfolding.

I remind myself that I can find treasures in all sorts of places when I take the time to go looking; to stop and watch and listen. It has been a most satisfying day. 

Where do you find treasure in your life? Are there places not too far from home that you've been meaning to visit, explore or revisit? I'd encourage you to get to it. Life is short. It is also pretty amazing if amazing is what you're looking for.

Oh, and if you're a local, do get into the TMAG - you won't be disappointed! ... and it's FREE!

With love

Kerry x

ps I did buy a book...one that told all about the patterns used in the exhibition...marked down to $9.95! A treasure and a bargain to boot!

Sharing Something Really Important

I've never done this before, but reading this article this morning, I found that the author has put my heart on paper. So I am sharing it here. 

In the Absence of a Village, Mothers Struggle Most. 

Every day the struggle is there. For a long time I have been saying that our society with it's insular family set-up...one house, two parents, x children, a dog and a cat...where they have only each other most of the time; it is unworkable. The stresses from trying to manage alone are overwhelming. It's a fairly lengthy article, but well worth a read.

Sharing with very much love to all the people out there who might not even realise it is a village they need. This is to let you know that you are not a failure but have been doing life in an impossible situation.

Be gentle with yourself. 

Find a village or make one. 

Everyone needs you.

And you need them.

Kerry x

Nearly Didn't Get There...

How often do you mean to go somewhere or do something or make plans and other things get in the way or you end up too tired to make the effort? I had a bit of that going on here in my life last night. I visited my folks on the way home from work and had a natter and a cuppa with them and by the time I got home and had dinner and sat down (I think that might be where the problem occurred), the thought of going out again was suddenly most unattractive.

There was a jam session going down at our local sailing club and it sounded like it might be a fun night and I know quite a few people who get along there. But Friday nights are like...phew! End of the week. Time to relax. And mostly I don't get out of the door to do that. I stay home. Which is cool. I enjoy my time doing what I do at home. But you know, it's good for the soul to get out now and then.Anyway, I had decided that I couldn't muster the energy. 

Checked my phone about quarter to nine and there was a text message from a friend. Where are you? Oh. The message had been sent an hour prior. Would they be winding up by now? Was it still worth going? Would I look silly walking in so late? Could I be bothered?? What could I wear? It's been raining - I might slip over. You will probably know the kind of stuff that was running about in my head and trying to make it as difficult as possible to go and as easy as possible to stay right where I was. I fought it. I quickly changed. You look fat. Said the voice. I am fat. I retorted. So what. Let's go. I added red beads. They always make me feel better. They are happy beads that I paid a buck for in an op shop in town I did my first year teaching. I was broke as broke can be...but I had a buck and I liked those beads. They are kind of proof that things can always get better.

Dressed in basic black with red beads, I embarked on the five minute drive. I know, how slack can you get? Five minutes away and I nearly didn't get there. I nearly didn't make the effort. I nearly didn't bother. I nearly let myself talk me out of it. The drive was swift and uneventful. I noticed as I approached the venue that people seemed to be about so that was a good sign. They weren't packing up just yet. I know, you might think it's a little mad of me to think they might have been packing up just after nine, but this is a pretty small town!

Car parked, I grabbed my torch. I had five dollars in one zippered pocket and the car keys in another. I was ready. And in I went.

Ah, I tell ya, it was sooo worth it. Friend who sent the text message spotted me and her face lit up and arms spread wide to welcome me. Isn't it worth getting out of your own way to get a great hug from a mate? YES! Because from there the night just got better. I thought I might only be out for half an hour or so...but the night rolled on and I had more fun than you can poke a stick at.

The music was amateur but fabulous. Fun, joyful, plentiful and loud. So talking had to be done in snatches between sets. Chats aside, the vibe was great and who could stay still with those familiar beats playing. We danced and laughed and sang along. Lots of tunes from my teen years and haha, maybe some moves from back then too. They might not look too flash, but it feels so great to move to music. I just had a ball. 

One of the students from our school played the drums like an absolute champion and the look of glee and concentration on his face said it all. These little community events are gold for kids and adults alike. They bring us together in a way that meeting up at school or the shops just can't match.

Catching up with some local buddies was great, but adding to the enjoyment was the opportunity to meet and chat with some new folks too. Some local and some visitors from further afield. It was truly a wonderful night. 

Finally, at around midnight (I know! So late!!) I wandered back to the car, my torch light eclipsed by the luminescent flash swished across the bay by a shy moon peeping just then from behind the clouds. Imagine. I might have missed it all. I nearly didn't get there, but I'm so glad that I did. Big thanks to lovely friends that let me know it's important to them that I'm there. 

Feeling good tonight. At home. Good enough.

Cheers n Love

Kerry x

ps I ran the whole night on water and went home with that five bucks still in my pocket! I love getting older. Miracles become a regular part of life.

What We Need is an Outbreak of Common Sense

Often I want to set up a Facebook page called 'Just Stop It!' or 'Stop It Now!'. In all honesty, the marvel of social media has made me party to all sorts of news that I wouldn't normally think about or perhaps even know about. Some of the more bizarre stuff might not be true. But worse still, it may be. And in that case the human race or at least a frightening number of its members have a great deal to answer for.

Do you ever wonder what on Earth is going on that other people, yes human beings just like you, find it within themselves to partake in what surely must be recognised as the most despicable of actions against other humans, animals and the very planet on which our existence depends? Do you? I do. I know much harm we do is clumsy, unwitting human error. That's a given. Not one of us is all wise in all ways. But much of what I see cannot be explained away as clumsiness or ignorance.

Entertainment on social media and even on one way media like television (well, okay, we interact by switching channels, buying the goods advertised and sometimes even...switching OFF), is awash with evidence of the slippery slide on which we find ourselves. Those more aware or more concerned individuals try in some ways to slow the trip by actions similar to a small child on a slippery dip, pressing arms and legs outwards to create some friction, slow the descent and avoid the hard 'bump' at the bottom. It might make that individual feel a little safer for a time, or a little more in control somehow. But what difference is it making? I wonder. Some of us are frantically recycling and doing our best to buy and invest ethically, to minimise our purchasing of new articles, trying to live more locally and create a greater sense of connection to others and planet; a sense of making a difference and belonging to a community. Just belonging. 

The thing is, we do all belong. We all live on this planet and we all share, somewhat inequitably to say the least, the resources we find hereon. And yet control of this amazing place we all call home - we all share - we all have in common - falls somehow to the few. How does that come to bear? I am bemused and confused and deeply concerned that we (the masses - the not 'super-rich' - the non-plutocrats) have been dreadfully and thoroughly hoodwinked. We are somehow beholden to keeping those plutocrats right where they like to be. We whinge and whine about how unfair everything is but we seem somehow unable to do much about it. 

Still, I diverge from where I wanted to go with this. The stuff I want to talk about today is the damned silly and ridiculous stuff that people do. The cruel, the nasty, the unkind, the violent, the unfeeling actions against those less strong or less able. I'm talking about anything that makes life less enjoyable, less free, less comfortable or less fair to another being. I don't want to cite specifics because the things I'm talking about are shared often enough and I see no point in giving them more airplay than they are already getting. 

We, human beings of all ilks, nations and creeds, need a virus to strike us, one and all. A curious virus - an outbreak, an epidemic of common sense. The kind that means we must see how another will feel if we act improperly towards them, be they fellow human, four-legged friend or Mother Earth herself. Indeed she is our mother. From her we came and to her we shall one day return. The cycles of life will continue in some way, shape or form, if not in ways immediately recognisable to us...as things inevitably change. But just imagine if there was such an outbreak. If we could all suddenly see the consequences of our actions and make choices that were kinder and more loving. Imagine if we no longer had to see images and hear stories that result from determined and deliberate actions of hate. Imagine. All credit there to John Lennon. His words of love and peace bring tears surging to my poor eyes, tired of being ravaged by indecencies and improprieties. I see and hear way more than I want to, simply because it has become more acceptable to publicise (to share) these things nowadays. 

Well, perhaps all this seems rather judgemental, but I hope not. Making judgments is an integral part of being human. Of human being. It is necessary to make judgments about what is acceptable to us and what is not. It is necessary to make judgments about what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Let's hope and pray for that virus that might infect us all with more compassion, more understanding, more empathy, more connection and the ability to see how our actions affect those around us, other humans who may be invisible to us in our daily lives, and this beautiful planet. I'm calling for an outbreak of common sense and I hope it will come soon. I believe there are pockets of 'infection' even now as I write, but my hope is that these will grow and erupt to spread in epidemic proportions and lead to a kinder and more loving humanity. 

Thanks for hearing me out.

Please feel welcome to share stories of compassion and love to empower the movement towards better times for all. Perhaps if we work at it we can tip the scale. If you are unable to comment here, please pop over to my Facebook page and leave a comment there. 

Kerry x

The Ten Minute Post

Hi all...I was going to shut down the computer without writing tonight, having just finished my Day Plan for school tomorrow and having fiddled and fluffed about for much of the evening enjoying various bits n pieces found via Facebook...then I decided to see what I could do in ten minutes, just to say I'd written something...so here it is.

I've been feeling a bit annoyed about the latest push by the government to get children into school even earlier than they are currently starting. Now they can start so long as they are four years old by the end of January in the year in which they intend to commence. That is to be changed to make it okay to be three and a half...I think I have it right. Well really. Kids need time to grow and develop as part of a family and a community before they are thrown into a classroom environment. Are we going to be expecting them to be sitting at desks and concentrating to learn what we think they need to learn at such a tender age. And how much adult support is there going to be to achieve such an end? Are ratios of teachers and teacher aides to children going to be increased to ensure children receive the attention they will require. Think help with toileting, blowing and wiping noses, tying shoe laces, opening drink bottles and food packets and so on.

It makes me so mad. I think it is a mad attempt to steal children away from their parents at an earlier and earlier age. I chose to home school my own children and did so before I went to university to become a teacher. I am so glad that I gave them that time and the opportunity to develop free thought. I'm not saying my kids have no problems or that they are perfect...or that I'm a perfect or superior parent in any way, but for me it felt important to have them with me and to allow them time to explore and learn as they felt interested to do so. This felt like a more natural and healthy way to learn and both of them followed their interests.

The answers to these issues are never easy and I don't purport to have all the answers, but if they want three and half years olds in schools then I think they ought to have the parents accompanying them. Yes I do. Because kids need their parents...well that's it. My ten minutes is up. Bit of a rant this evening...and I will be getting along to an event to oppose the introduction of said adjustments to laws. No doubt there will be hundreds, if not thousands of fellow early childhood educators there too as we say together, "NO!!"

What do you think? 

Cheers

Kerry x

A tiny step forward

So today dissolved into a muddle of time on Facebook, going to school to feed the goldfish and complete a few tasks before 'back to school' day tomorrow, doing a bit of washing and so on. The end of the day approached...well the end of the daylight hours...and suddenly I just had to get myself down to the beach. Once there I wished I'd gone earlier but it's funny how insignifica can usurp the day and leave one scrambling for the meaningful at the latter end. 

I've not been beach walking or bush walking lately much to my mental and emotional detriment but I just haven't felt 'up' to it. Sore leg n all. Not wanting to overdo it. And me being me I'm likely to do just that. So I determined that I would embark on a short walk. Yes short. Very short indeed. And that is what I did. Such a simple thing and a tiny step towards reclaiming my normality. It must be there if I can only be patient and gentle in moving towards where I think it might be.

I wandered not far and not fast. More a humble hobble interspersed with clicking to grab some of those beautiful moments to share here with you. Ah, so much beauty is there for the taking. How do I deprive myself of this when it is all but on my doorstep. This temporary hiccup (at least so I hope) affecting my ambulatory prowess will imbue me with due appreciation and respect for the simple act of going for a walk. No more will I slacken and miss the opportunity to get outside and love the day...no matter the weather. Hold me to it, friends, for such promises are quick forgotten when all is going well. Do you find that too? Never take your health and well being for granted. It is precious beyond measure.

Enough of waxing lyrical and more of sharing what sights I beheld for the tiny price of getting off my butt and heading outdoors...acknowledging of course, that I do live in a truly spectacular place. 

That autumn sun and gentle sea - no wind - patterns of light and movement. Peaceful breath of the ocean.

Sandy starfish?

Tiny sea-pot or perhaps a door to the underworld?

Bizarre accidental selfie.

Favourite shot...tiny treasure.

Ripple effect.

Waiting for a lift home.

Bushfire not too worrying while there is no wind...brushstroke clouds.

The waiting game left me pondering the angles formed by all those wires and the reflective qualities of the insulators...joyful moments for me.

Well, all of that in only half an hour and probably a walk of 150 metres. Can't say how much better I feel for making that small effort. 

Cheers for now!

Kerry x

Stuck-ness

Where has the time gone? It's been weeks and weeks since I last wrote and somehow the inspiration hasn't been there. I've thought about writing and have written short bits and pieces for myself, but not for sharing. I've needed to write a letter of condolence to a friend and did manage one brief letter to my one and only Auntie in the UK. Otherwise, it's been a pretty dry time. I wonder why?

Sigh. I wonder if perhaps when we go through times of internal dissent (for want of a better term) that it can suck us dry of our creativity. Internal dissent. Knowing that I have to do one thing but wanting to do another. Or many others. But stuck with the status quo, or so it seems. Stuck-ness is a great killer of creativity. No doubt. 

Do you find yourself bombarded (I know, it's a choice) with declarations that you can change anything and everything about life that is not contributing to your joy and happiness buckets? Perhaps it's all the positive thinking and spiritually leaning pages I've chosen to follow on social media. Perhaps I can change the message I'm choosing for myself by switching 'channels'? It's true that we see what we are looking for. I'm feeling unsettled in myself and so all I see around me is reinforcing that message and telling me to step up! step out! make the change! and yes, in a blink I would.

But it's not that easy. As most of us would find, change affects not  only us but those around us too. We do need to take into account how our choices affect others. Imagine if we didn't...how wild would life be then! So for now I will find ways to make the status quo work for me. I will make small adjustments and look for signs that I am happier in fact than I have recently allowed myself to believe. Not that I've been UNhappy. That wouldn't be fair to say or to think so. I am just ready for change again. 

Oh dear, that restless spirit of mine always ready for change. Always wanting to hit the road and go. Always wanting to follow my nose and my inklings, my ponderings and my dreams. My new ideas, my impulses and compunctions. But life wants me to be solid and regulated and reliable and all the things that are such a struggle for me. I bet no one could imagine the struggles that go on inside my very ordinary exterior. People who 'see' me say that I'm 'such a hippie'. Or perhaps a 'plain clothes hippie'. All good. I don't mind what people say. 

I know I'm not that unusual. There are lots of us out there doing what we 'have to'. To keep things going. To put toast on the table. To pay the damned bills. Well. It's what we do. 

Just of late I've been dragged, kicking and screaming (no, that's not true at all) into the lovely world of letter journalling. If you don't know what it is, take a mo to look it up on Google. For me, it's a bit of fun and way to explore playing with various ways of arting. I'm learning from other letter journallers and meeting some lovely people in the swaps. Its giving me a bit of something I've been needing; new people to talk to, new skills to learn. Things that keep me from going crazy. Well okay, that's probably a bit of an exaggeration. Things that keep me...busy. Things that maybe keep me from changing what I want to change? I wonder.

It's been a God-send really. I've been stuck in my chair quite a lot in recent weeks with a knee that has suddenly decided to show the ravages of time and has rendered me nowhere near as agile or mobile as I like to be. As I have taken myself for granted all these years until now. No wonder I'm a bit grumpy and restless. No bushwalks. No beachwalks. They are often my inspiration to write. No inspiration. 

So that is me. In my bubble. Trying to imagine getting through the week at work when I go back this week, without my knee being an unhappy balloon at the end of the day. I'm taking some supplements to help regrow the cartilage.  Don't scoff. I have a strong belief in the human body's ability to heal so I'm going with that. Set the scene for healing and it will happen. I believe that. It is just a matter of commitment to the cause and time. So I am resting a lot. 

I could muse much more about stuck-ness. About how it builds character and perseverance. About developing stick-at-it-ive-ness. About being grateful for how things are. About looking for the lessons in the status quo and applying them diligently. I am not unaware of the benefits. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to spit the bit and take off like a wild pony, mane jerking freely in the breezy wake of my galloping escape! No. It. Does. Not. Sigh.

There are so many things happening around the world and in our country here that I'd like to be writing a lot more about but I tend to keep quiet because I have my job to think of. When I find a way to live without it I expect I will have much more to say. In the meantime I will entertain myself by writing closer to home and hope that you might find something here to identify with. After all, isn't that what makes a read worthwhile...when we can think 'yes'...'someone else understands'. 

Tomorrow is Anzac Day. A holiday. A sad day. A proud day for some. I'll be thinking of the men, young and old, who went into hell because they had no choice or no understanding. I'll think of the families they left behind, who loved them and grieved for them and grieve for them still. For the souls of men and women and children around the world who die in wars still now, every single day. And I'll wonder why the hell we can't stop it all and find a way to love and care for each other. Later I'll listen to some angry, tortured soul screaming ''Get off the effing road!!" (and it may well be a women speaking) just because another driver is a little hesitant or unsure of the way...and I'll know that there's not much hope. Well, not until a lot of us calm down and get a handle on what really matters. 

Wishing you love.

Wishing you hope.

Wishing you peace.

Kerry x

Awesome everyday things number 1.

Soooo this might seem kind of odd, but here it is, 

Good Friday morning and I'm laying in bed and just allowing my mind to wander a bit. I reflected on some conversations from last evening at the local Full Moon Pizza Night and how much I enjoyed myself catching up with old friends and new. 

Next thing I know I am looking intently at the weave in my sheets. I know, bit crazy. And I thought wow! How beautiful are these things around  me?! I have sheets that cost me $8 each from the op shop, pillow cases that were 50c each, and a bed cover I paid  $10 for at a school fete. 

But what I was noticing was how fine the weave was on those items. The threads are so thin and fine. The weave is so tight. They are so smooth and comfortable. But how do they do that? How do they make these things? Any weaving I've done myself over the years has been clunky and pretty unattractive...think cardboard looms and wool scraps. But this is sublime. So amazing. So very, very beautiful to look at and to feel. Yes, I know, if you weren't fully convinced that I am a nut-case before, perhaps that is clearer now!! Or perhaps I'm not mad at all but awake!

That is the beauty of having a little time on your hands - you notice things you might miss rushing through every day of your life up 'til that moment. How often have you, like me, taken for granted the fabrics that surround you on a daily basis? Stop, take a look and see how truly extraordinary they really are. Usually I'm busy looking at the treasures I find in nature, but this morning I found man-made treasures wrapped around me in my bed. I am so grateful for the ability to see them this way. 

Of course, pondering about my sheets led me to quiz Mr YouTube to find out more about how these wondrous fabrics came into being. Take a look at this and be gobsmacked! 

Here's wishing you a truly blessed day. 

Tell me about something cool you noticed today in the comments. 

Be awake!

Happy Easter.

With Love

Kerry x

The Joy of Going Out for a Walk

How good it is just to get in the car, drive a while, get out and go walking. I'm not talking big walks or hard walks but just being outside in nature, whatever the weather is doing. The feelings I experience aren't easy to put into words, but I am struck with wonder at the immense beauty in this place, many places. It is right to go and feel that. It is right to go and look and see.

A friend and I  talked about the idea that taking photos can detract from an experience, and I guess in many situations that might be true, but for me... For me, walking with my digital camera is like having joy in my hands. I can take as many photos as I like. As many as I want to. I remember the days when the recording of an event was limited to 12 shots...or 24...and chances were they would be pretty disappointing shots by the time they came back a week or two later after being 'developed'.

I am overwhelmed and overjoyed to have this wonderful tool to play with when I'm out walking. I notice the details and love the surprise of finding something quirky or something that stands out to me. Click and I have it to review later. Really, it is just such fun!

So, today I walked with a friend back over the track I walked on Tuesday to Lake Osborne. On Tuesday it was bright and sunny and warm and clear...a perfect day. Today it was overcast and drizzly and misty with a quite cool breeze coming through now and then...a perfect day.

I love the change affected by a differently perfect day. The light, the colours, the feel of the air on my face and in my lungs. Even in the same week.

Here are some snaps for those that don't have the energy or the time or the beautiful places so close by. I hope these bring some joy to you too, or that they will inspire you to go for a walk and notice the little things along the way. I hope that you're lucky enough to have a digital camera...or a camera phone... If not you can take wonderful 'eye' pictures to dream on when you get home. 

With Love

Kerry 

Tiny fungus, so bright it took my attention.

A rock on the path, a work of art. Truly magical.

Not snow but glorious lichen. 

Magnificent Snow Gums...the rain made them 'pop'.

Rocky outcrops shrouded in misty mystery.

Lake Osborne reflecting the mood of the day.

Time, grief, healing, regret, some time in a perfect place...and love.

Today is Bill's birthday. He would have been 64 years old but that possibility was taken from him by cancer in August 2012. His birthday is a day that marks time now in a new way. Birthdays missed. Time with his kids missed. Their time with him...missed. On it goes. 

Mark setting the pace...me, I get distracted.

How wonderful it is to have boardwalk pathways to beautiful places.

The days leading up to 8th March are nervous ones for me because I'm never quite sure how the day will be. I write it on the calendar every year. Bill's birthday. Not because I will forget. Just because. I'm never sure whether to talk about it or not. I don't want the kids to be upset - but how can they not be. But I have to because if I don't it's as if he wasn't here and such a big part of my life. For 33 years of my life. So I thought about him a lot today.

Hartz Mountain

Mysteries unfolding for us in but one tiny place - this world is full of wonder.

I'm grateful that I didn't have to work today, Tuesdays being my 'day off' this year. The weather was beautiful and last night Mark and I had talked about doing a walk today. Doing a walk is a bit different to going for a walk. It means going someplace we don't usually go. It means going with purpose and determination to achieve something new. So today we did a walk. It entailed first a drive. 

Tiny inhabitant enjoying the sun.

Splashes of colour. Note to self - must come back in the springtime.

We headed off about lunchtime with a picnic in the back pack and drove north to Geeveston. We headed out towards the Tahune Airwalk, intending to head off at the Hartz Mountain turn off. Alas, busy chatting, we missed the turn and after a bit of discussion and "We'll just go a little bit further," we got the Airwalk and realised we had something wrong. Conferring with the GPS (last resort, perhaps we should have checked in with it sooner...) we discovered that we were 13kms wrong and had to backtrack that distance to find Hartz Road. 

Lake Osborne - treasure set on a glacial plain.

Tiny plants - Fibonacci wonderland.

Fortunately it was such a beautiful day so a drive through the forest was not a bad thing. Soon we were back on track and enjoying a bumpy ride on the gravel Hartz Road. We soon found ourselves in the more open alpine country and then at the end of the road where a number of walks begin. There was a long drop toilet and a place to register time and date and numbers in our 'party' before heading off. 

King Billy Pine standing guard over the lake.

Wonderful jagged teeth.

The walk to Lake Osborne was our destination today. A short 40 minutes return, but as we have both had health challenges in recent times, it seemed just the right amount of  leisurely exercise for a day out. Hopefully it will be the catalyst for more doing of walks and we will build our fitness and ability to take on more challenging trails in the future.

The clarity of the water was breath-taking - so was the temperature, even at this time of year. I dangled my toes for a while and enjoyed the refreshing coolness.

I thought on the drive that I could have brought a photo of Bill along so he was 'with' us. I'll have one ready to carry with me next year. Anyway, he was in my thoughts and I guess when you have passed it's good to be in the memories of those who loved and cared about you. It's good for those of us left behind to remember good times and to know the great influence others have had on our growth as people and on the direction our lives have taken. For those of you who don't know, Bill and I divorced about six years before he passed away. There were hard times and sad times and they weigh heavily when I give them time and energy. There were also many, many wonderful times and I honour both here because they are part of life.

Gorgeous fungi - part of the joy of doing a walk.

Bill, you would have loved Lake Osborne. Mark pondered why people destroy so many places of great natural beauty when you feel so good just being there and looking at them. Why indeed. It was good to see Mark relaxed and happy in this place. He sat on a rock and drank in the sunshine and the glorious peace and tranquility of this place. We chatted. Took a few photos and headed back. We didn't talk about you but I know you were both with us and on our minds. 

After the walk - so not at all taxing - just right for us today.

Time passes no matter what we do. Grief happens. It's part of life. It's hard and messy and we all have to work through it at some stage. We have to do it in our own way. This is part of my work. Healing comes with tears and talking and not talking and going to beautiful places that soothe the soul and put us back in touch with who we really are. Regret. Yes, there it is. There are things I would love to do differently. Things I would love to be able to change. To wind time back and change direction. With hindsight. How great would it be to be able to go back and change things now and then. Not our job. Our job is to live with what is. To learn from it. To grow from it. To learn love from it. How to give love and to receive love and to celebrate love. 

Divorced, teary, talking on the phone in the months leading up to the end of Bill's life. I said these words to him. The love never dies. No, he said. I know. And there we sat together on the phone, many miles apart but knowing there was love.

Light and Shadow

Yesterday evening I went walking on our beach. What a privilege it is to have this wondrous resource so close at hand; a place to wander, to marvel at and that leaves one to ponder about life in all its various hues and shades. The play of the evening light, even as it is fading, is fascinating to me. I feel my heart pump as I pull out my camera to capture a feast of light and shadow created by small clear 'jellyfish'. That's what I've always known them as but today someone suggested that they might be eggs laid by sea cucumbers. I had a look online for some images of sea cucumber eggs and found these...so I am back with the jellyfish idea for now! 

 As for sea cucumbers, we saw many of them in our travels 'up north' in Queensland during sailing days. Mostly long, fat, black caterpillars of the sea creeping lazily in the ponds left at low tide on rocky, muddy shores. They come in many shapes and colours, the most remarkable I've ever seen resembling bright round rubber balls. They were red and black, yellow and black or blue and black and came up in the nets of a scallop trawler on which we were lucky enough to do a 'tucker trip' back in the mid-eighties. Yes, well inside last century - where does the time go?! The world is full of often unseen wonders. I am constantly delighted and surprised by what turns up! 

A 'tucker trip', by the way, was the term given for an agreement whereby we yachties could be volunteer crew on a trawler in exchange for our 'tucker' or food. It was such a fantastic opportunity to see a working fishing boat and one we jumped at. I was the only female on board and the loo was a bucket on the aft deck which had to be emptied over side! I just had to 'get over' myself and get on with it. I did my best to time my visits for when no one else was on deck. I doubt these kinds of opportunities exist now, given the nature of litigation and insurance. It probably wouldn't be possible.

Anyway, whatever they are, jellyfish or other, they are fascinating little works of nature and the light plays on them in a spectacular way. I found a few other treasures along the way. I hope you'll enjoy them too.

The pondering about life? It was inspired by the light play on those wee jelly blobs. Whatever is going on in life, there are always moments of light and wonder to be found if you're looking for them. Never discount them. They are tiny glimpses of bigger and better things to come. Without the shadows, we might not be able to appreciate the light. Without the light, we would never see the shadows. Both are necessary for us to enjoy a life rich with lessons on how to live better or longer or wiser. Nothing stays the same forever. Change is inevitable. It may be dreaded or welcomed or sneered at. However you receive it, it will come. Life is ever-changing as is the light; as are the shadows on the shore.

With love,

Kerry x