I like to write to inspire or to share wisdom or insight but
of late I am so tangled in a mess of emotions that insight is missing, perhaps
lurking hidden in shadows of hurt and pain. Wisdom, elusive as a wolf in the
wilderness, watches while I struggle to make sense of my world. Inspiration; it
has fled into the twisted torture of loss and bewilderment.
I am torn by relief and longing. It gives me no rest. I
rationalise that emotions have no power over me. That I can be strong and live
in peace and harmony with myself, my past, my present, my future. And then I
have a day like today. Teary, conflicted, bewildered. Wanting to act but
overwhelmed by fear of consequences. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm
not alone in this. I know there are others out there who feel the same. I am
not unique. I am not special. I am human. Having a human experience.
Desperately I look for what the lessons are in all this. If
I can pluck a gem of revelation that will allow me to make better choices in
future, perhaps I won't need to tread such a path again. There is a school of
thought that we bring experiences to ourselves until we 'get' the lesson. Dear
God let me get it. Let me get it so I can be free of making mistakes.
I can't write about situations or circumstances because
there are people I don't want to hurt. I don't want to add to anyone else's
pain or anguish. Let them choose their own if they need it, but let it not come
from me. What use is this then?
There is something I can say that might be of use. Here it
is...and I can't claim it as my own because I know I've picked it up from
something I read one day. I can't remember where it came from but just know
that it is not mine. What is mine is the knowledge that it is right and true
and really, really important. It is this. Only offer help if you are sure you
can give it. You must know how. You must have a plan to follow. Winging it is
likely to end in disaster.
Offering help from a compassionate heart is good, but if you
can't follow through with giving the particular kind of help that is needed and
beneficial, then you actually complicate the whole issue. Because you get in
the way of either allowing a person to suffer through a difficult time and
grow, or you get in the way of the help coming from elsewhere. And you will be
responsible for creating a mess - and likely blamed for it too.
Maybe that is my lesson. Observe. Offer encouragement. Offer
understanding. Offer empathy. But do not offer help. Wait and see what happens.
People are generally incredibly resilient and resourceful and most often will
begin to find their own answers to problems. In person-focused counselling it
is recognised that people are more likely to act on ideas to improve their
situation if they have come up with
them. If someone else offers solutions they are not as likely to take them up.
It is important to listen. It is important to hold space for
people. It is also important to know yourself and how you value yourself in any
relationship. It is important to know what you will tolerate and where you will
'draw a line'. If you choose to offer help, make sure you can take care of
yourself as well. Bad days are inevitable, but if we can take something away
from it all at the end; if we can reflect and find some learning in amongst it,
then it is not without purpose and value. I walk through my life thinking to
myself that my heart is so full of love. I have so much love to give. But for
now there are walls up. Still I can send the love and hope for peace and
forgiveness in times to come.
The human condition is such that we agonise over things we
cannot change. We can always work on changing how we view a situation and how
we think about ourselves.
There is much to be gained by choosing to be present in the
moment. It's a simple philosophy and makes more sense than living in regret or
fear. I can be happy when I am busy and focused and when I have a plan for the
day. Being outside in nature, regardless of the weather, leaves me feeling
alive and more at peace.
I have to forgive myself because I can't live in the chaos
of my own un-forgiveness. Our days are numbered. I don't want to waste a single
one.
Wishing you love and peace of mind and heart.
Kerry
