This is yesterday's challenge and one I didn't write about because I came home after work and went straight to bed with another of those lousy headaches. I think headaches are my least favourite fruit. I write this with the confidence that I can choose anything I like to be fruit as I clearly remember the day my boyfriend (who was later to be my husband - it all feels like a past life now) announced that lamb was his favourite fruit. So if that can be so, my declaration for least favourite can also be. I have no need to explain why I dislike headaches do I? No, I thought not. Thank you.
I fall victim to this desperate ploy as I honestly cannot remember trying a fruit I didn't enjoy unless I call upon an unripe pawpaw I ventured to try in my long distant past. But that wasn't the pawpaw's fault. I've heard lots of people say they don't like avocado. I think this might be because they've never eaten a properly ripened, creamy, delicious, fresh avocado. Likewise, until I ate a properly ripened fresh, sweet, delicious pawpaw in New Caledonia back in my sailing days, I thought I didn't like pawpaw. But then I discovered that I do...I LOVE them!! So, that's the fruit thing dealt with. All fruits are delicious if eaten at their optimum ripeness, free of disease or damage. Simple really. They are made that way so that we will spread the seed. Mother nature at her best. And so that we'll eat lots of them to fatten us up ready for the winter months and some form of hibernation (or at least lack, something we nowadays don't understand due to supermarkets and the global economy).
Day 11 (Today) : Your current relationship; if single, discuss that too
What a shame it didn't say currant or I could just have written about fruit again. Alas no. My current relationship is indeed being at one with myself. It is a happy affair where I can get upset with myself but usually manage to get over it before the sun goes down so that it won't affect my digestion or my sleep. Really though, I've been single for seven out of the past ten years or so.
I'll be honest and say that a lot of that time hasn't been easy as there is a kind of stigma attached to being single. It's a bit like no one wants you while you're stuck in that rut of thinking that being on your own is not being in relationship. That it is being alone. That it is being lonely. I've walked around the block all teary and thinking about how long I've been alone and dreading what might be years alone or possibly the rest of my lifetime. I've felt miserable and sorry for myself. I've invested in books on relationships and listened to CDs about relationships and thought about my past relationships and what I can learn from them and how I might do things differently. I've thought about what's wrong with me...and through it all I've slowly come to understand something quite simple and quite remarkable and incredibly valuable.
I like being by myself. I enjoy my own company. I am happy to go to the pictures or out for a meal on my own. I don't mind being on my own. Being 'unattached' doesn't mean I'm unloved or unlovable. I have grown to understand that love comes at me from so many directions that I never need to feel lonely. I have come to understand that much of the sadness I felt was actually due to my life not meeting up with 'expectations'. These expectations are planted in each of us from a young age via social conditioning and media such as storytelling, television, movies, books and comics. And of course, life doesn't always fit those patterns so we can feel somehow 'less' or that we've missed out.
Each one of us has the gift of a life to live. We can choose how we live it. Not always the circumstances, but always the way we respond to those circumstances. I believe now that I can't possibly give my best in a relationship until I can be happy on my own. It's taken me a long time to find this place. I am happy being on my own. That is not to say that I wouldn't be delighted to find a mate who would be happy to share my life and who would be happy to share his life with me. That would be a whole new adventure. I think I might be kind of sad not to have the opportunity to put all the learning I've done into practice. But the thing is, we don't always get to choose the circumstances. And it's important to be able to choose to be happy either way. I really believe that is the gift I've found for myself now.
Just in case there is anyone out there newly single who is not quite at the being happy with it state yet, or someone who has been single for a long time and still hasn't discovered the things that are properly awesome about it I'm giving you a list to consider:
Benefits of Singlehood
- If you're clever enough not to have pets (yes they are lovable and gorgeous but they are also a tie) then you can just up and go where you like and when you like without having to wait for someone else to be organised too.
- And without them being secretly unhappy about accompanying you because they'd rather watch the footy.
- And return when you feel like it sometimes via completely unplanned detours. Awesome!
- You can leave the dishes all day or all week if you like...or you can wash up everything as you go, dry it and put it away.
- You can sleep on both sides of the bed - at the same time if you wish.
- A hot water bottle is a very fine bed companion that doesn't moan if you chuck it out when things get too hot and sweaty.
- You can read all night if you're into a good book.
- This is a fantastic chance to get to know yourself really well. I'll bet there are things you don't know about yourself yet. Hobbies and interests undiscovered. Go seeking and you will find all sorts of new delights to fill your time with.
- Cooking is something you do only if you feel like it - how awesome is that!!
- You can get a pet if you want one - and it can be any kind you like - but you will have to take full responsibility.
- The bathroom IS ALL YOURS :)
- Did I mention the cooking - ONLY if you FEEL like it!
- I can give up my happy singlehood any time I get a better offer!
What do you love or hate about being single? What do you love or hate about being part of a couple?
Do share - it's all part of the fun!
Kerry x
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