I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today...I know we all have days like that so I'm going to share it with you and you'll know that I understand next time you're feeling miserable! It's part of the human condition, isn't it...to have days where you feel less than good. I wonder what the purpose is though. Why do we have days when we feel off and uncomfortable, and what are we supposed to learn from them? I'm a bit of a learn-a-holic. In every situation in my life, I find there is something for me to learn. So here I am feeling somewhat head-achy and a bit nauseous and full of cold/flu capsules and wishing that it was all just over and I could get back to feeling normal and get on with all the things I have to do. I am feeling frustrated because I don't feel like tackling the things that must be done. I'm lucky that I love to write so this is not so bad. I'm in a warm house and sitting on a comfy old office chair (thanks Mum!) and if I lean a little to the left I can see the bay through the sliding glass doors that lead to my wee verandah out the back.
It's a grey and drizzly day so it matches how I feel. Although I do not feel sad or depressed or anything like it. Just frustrated really with my lethargy. I have a hot cup of tea. I am blessed. I am warm and cosy and comfortable and well-fed (in fact, over-fed) and have a clean and comfortable bed to retire to if it all gets too much. When I have days like these...when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and wishing I felt better, I can't help but think about people who are really sick. If I feel this rotten with a cold that I know will pass within a couple of weeks, if not sooner, then what must it feel like to have a chronic disease or disorder that has no end to it? I have so much admiration for people that have long-term ailments when they seem to just get on with life. They don't let pain or discomfort stop them. Maybe I'm just a terrible sook.
Another thing I think about is people living on the streets, or people in refugee camps, or people living in poverty. I can't imagine how dreadful it must be to be sick and have no access to a chemist or a shop for tablets and lozenges. I can't imagine how awful to have a nasty headache and be surrounded by the noise of other people and animals and the stench of crowded, unsanitary living conditions. I can't imagine how awful it must be to have to lay in the dirt and wait for things to get better or to die. I can't imagine having to walk miles to get wood for a cooking fire, or to keep warm by whilst feeling ill. I can't imagine having to carry water from a well or a river whilst feeling tired and weak and overwhelmed. The human spirit is an amazing thing and people every day are overcoming their physical and mental problems to push on and just keep going. I am embarrassed by my lack of tenacity when I compare my comfort to the hardships faced by others...by what they do every day because there is no other way for them if they want to live. I am not going to take it for granted, that I can be unwell in such comfortable circumstances.
In our country we have access to doctors and surgeons who can help us. We may have to wait a little while or travel a little distance but we have so many options for transport. We know there will be clean bandages and pain-killers for us if we need them. What must it be like to live where these things are not there? I cannot imagine. I am so very lucky to have been placed where I am through the lottery of birth. I could have been born in any of a million different places but I am here. I wonder at that lottery sometimes. I wonder how it is that some are unlucky enough to be born into poverty or other conditions of hardship. Of course, I understand the mechanics of it all, but I wonder about the fairness of life. I wonder how it is that some of us enjoy such incredible privilege and others nothing but scorn. I wish I had the answers to these questions...and a way to bring a gentle life to each and every human being. Surely a gentle life is a good life. Gentle on each person, gentle on our planet. I wonder if our collective consciousness could some day find a way to slow down and stablise our population so that there is enough for everyone. I wonder what it would look like now to spread the world's population out across the globe so that there was a place for everyone to grow enough food for themselves...and for that to be enough.
I wonder how much longer we can keep going on the track we're on, as a planet, as a species. How much more damage can we do before even those up 'til now blind...have to see that we've taken it all for granted for too long? Don't we all deserve a gentle life? A kind life? While we're all busy striving to put food on our tables and clothes on our backs - despite our wardrobes already burgeoning with last year's fashions - are we missing out on life? On gentleness towards ourselves and each other?
Oh, and the learning...why is this happening? Or at the very least, what am I to learn from it? Probably first and foremost is that good health is the greatest thing I can have. I am reflecting on what I might be doing in my day to day living that compromises optimum health. I have an opportunity to slow down and take time to think a few things over and perhaps re-order some priorities. And of course, to count my blessings because they are many.
I wish you love and a gentle spirit towards yourself and those around you. I wish you eyes to see opportunity to be kind and gentle to those around you. I'm going to be gentle to myself now and try for a little nap before heading into work to make sure all is ready to begin again tomorrow. Take care people. Feel a little miserable if you're not well, but do notice the comforts you have and appreciate them. Love to you all.
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