Closing the lid on 2013.

The newscasts usually give us a run down on the highlights of the year...or the major stories...a brief glimpse of what it might be like in the last minutes of life; a high speed review of all sorts of moments. I wonder if the brain sorts them according to the level of impact they had on your life. I wonder if you and I will remember the things we think we will...or if a whole lot of random moments will suddenly show us their impact? It makes me wonder what were the important moments this year for me. There have been some big happenings...and lots of little things that might have gone unnoticed...almost. How many of those have I stored up in the archives of my mind to reappear at unexpected moments? Not perhaps at the end of life, but just in those quiet moments of reflection that creep into life as you get a little older.

A lot of people have come and gone in my life this year. As a teacher I've had students begin the year with me only to disappear into the ether, sometimes without warning...and felt that terrible sense of loss. When you get a new student to work with, you try to assess their strengths and needs quite quickly in order to produce a plan for their education that will meet them where they are and coax them forwards towards bigger and better things. Once you have that figured out and ready to roll, it is a terrible thing to suddenly find the student gone. There are all kinds of reasons for this kind of thing to happen, but to any of those children out there who might have moved around a lot to different schools...know that your teachers missed you when you went. You were important to them and they would possibly still be wondering how you got on. Teachers have very good memories for some things and kids' names is one of those. We don't forget them easily. So some students started 2013 with me and then left. Others appeared on the roll call mid-way through the year and some even later. The same process happens whatever time they arrive. Get to know their strengths and needs...plan for what they need to keep them learning...

A few men have come and gone too. I've been on my own for a number of years and have played around with online dating...it's the way to meet men these days, like it or not! When you live in a small community...or even a large one...when you work in a sector that is primarily women (teaching)...there are not a lot of ways to meet interesting men. I am not a pub-goer and don't like to travel at night on the local roads that are highways too for much of the local wildlife (furred and four legged) and I don't want to be responsible for their demise. Thank goodness for the internet that has allowed me to connect with some interesting chaps and even to get as far as meeting a very few of them. This year got off to a fantastic start with a meeting that held all the promise of a long-lasting love affair...but it was just a day in Hobart town enjoying the sights and sounds of the waterfront...sampling some delicious seafood and chatting. What a fabulous connection we seemed to have. I looked forward to more of the same. Alas, it was not to be. I'm not going into details but I didn't see him again. We spoke on the phone a few times and then he was gone. Worked interstate...all too complicated. 

What I learned from the experience, which was really tough because he had even said he was looking forward so much to planning a life with me...(I should have known that couldn't be true because he just didn't know me well enough after one date...even though it was several hours chatting...it's easy to be blinded to reason at these times!!) What I learned was this...and I hope it might help some of you out there that might be hoping to meet someone who will be 'forever'. When you go on a date you must not be thinking...Is this the one? Is this the guy who I'll connect with and fall in love with? Will he ask me out again? Will he call???? Do not put yourself through it. Please. Be thinking this...Am I enjoying myself? Am I having fun? Would I want to do this again? If you can just be thinking those things, you will be more relaxed. In the end, isn't that what is important to know? Are you enjoying the other person's company enough to be willing to do it again. Even if it is just a coffee. If you can just think about that you'll be giving off good vibes, and I think it is probably more likely then that he will call again. This works whether you are sixteen or sixty-six I'm pretty sure. Relax. Sometimes we're so busy wondering what the future might hold that we forget to enjoy the moments we're having right now. Right now I can remember sitting under the big trees in Salamanca Place. I can remember the bare dirt and the cigarette butts here and there. I can remember the 'connection' when we chatted; so much in common it seemed. It's amazing that sometimes things can feel so right...but go nowhere. That's life. 

I gave myself some time to recover and then over the next few months had the experience of meeting (just online) a scammer through one of the dating sites. I was so amazed by that. I'd heard about them and now I've seen first hand how smooth they are. Beware ladies and gentlemen. This lovely man...with pictures of him that let me know right away that he was 'above my station' in life let me know how wonderful I was and wrote lengthy emails about himself and what he was looking for in life and so on. I read his letters to my mum and she thought he sounded lovely too. Well, Mr Too Good To Be True was just that. I popped his name into a scammer site and found him straight away. Of course, the person in the photo is someone and the name may be someone's too, but the person using that identity was someone else. They are generally after money. Wasting their time with me. There is no way I'd be giving money to someone I hadn't met. I hope none of you would be silly enough to do that either...but be warned, they do spin a very convincing persona and a very convincing yarn. If you're feeling lonely they could just get under your guard and take you for a ride. Don't let it happen. The person you want in your life must be able to take care of themselves financially. Goes without saying really. Don't be conned. Anyone who is a decent person will be able to get a loan from friends or family or financial institution. If they can't manage to have anyone trust them enough for that...do you want to trust them? Not me, sorry. By the way, if you have funds sitting in the bank, I'm wondering to myself what you're doing on online dating sites and why you're not out doing some travelling and seeing the world...having some fun and meeting people along the way. Still need to have your wits about you, but if I had money I'm pretty sure I'd be off hiking or biking or exploring or sailing or doing something fun and adventurous. Life is too short to waste it waiting for someone to come along and make it interesting for you.

This year I did meet a lovely man...he's had a mention now and then in my blogposts.  He is a gentleman and a gentle man and has beautiful qualities that attracted me to him. Yes, we met through a dating site. I took the plunge and we met for coffee. Things progressed over a few months and he travelled interstate to visit with me a few times. Eventually he moved closer to me and then we moved in together. Then I learned something about myself. I've become much too used to living on my own. I can't be as 'live and let live' as I thought I could be. I think I didn't give myself long enough to get to know this lovely man before moving in together. It's a temptation when you're older to feel like time is running away with you...that you are more mature and should know yourself well enough. Relationships are tricky. I feel terrible to have put us both through the hard work of moving in together and blending two households only to be pulling the plug on it and saying it's not working for me. At the same time there have been some truly wonderful times and I'm hanging onto that just now...knowing that we have to find out about things by trying. If we play it too safe we can miss out on those good things. What is the saying? You have to take the bad with the good. Things are still a little messy. I'm staying with  gracious friends who have allowed me a space in their home while I sort out a place for myself again. I don't know what the future holds but I just need a little time to regroup and find my 'compass' again. I'm off-balance and not as well as I could be. I feel sorry for my loss. Most of all I hold hope.

Like friendships that we imagine, especially as children, are all made to be 'forever', some relationships last longer than others and some change direction along the way. Someone said to me the other day...I've left lots of men I've loved...because it just wasn't right. Well, we all work life out in our own way I guess. I'm getting old and learning that I have to do what makes me happy because then I function better as a human being within a family and a community. I am not an island. What I do and how I behave affects other people.  I never set out to hurt another person but sometimes our actions do cause hurt, even when we don't want them to. This is pretty raw stuff for me right now. I've cried buckets of tears and know it will take a while to feel alright with myself again. Some people might think it's wrong to be sharing this with you here, but maybe sharing some of this will help you to avoid the same pitfalls or to have the courage to give something a go, or at least not to feel so alone in facing the ups and downs in life. One of the concepts that keeps me going is the idea that we draw to us the experiences we need to learn from. Given that idea, I try very hard to find the learning in each life experience. I am a natural reflector...I think about what I could have done differently...what I could do better or differently next time. That is how I find my learning. I am grateful to be alive and to be living life and having a go at relationships. I am lucky enough to know that I am loved by many people around me...family and friends...and I am grateful for each and every one of them. Perhaps it's a bit fatalistic but I also subscribe to the ideas put forward in Dr Susan Jeffers' book, Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. One of those is that when we have choices to make, there is no wrong choice. We do what we do and we live life and we love and learn along the way. Look for the learning. Stay safe. Watch out for scammers; if it seems too good to be true it probably is. 

Plans for New Years Eve. I'm on the wait and see. I wish you all a good ending to 2013 and hope you have some adventures in your sights for next year. Life is for living...you just gotta get out there and do it.

Thanks for reading me in 2013. I'll be back next year.