Finding lost things

Just had an experience I thought I'd share because it might help someone else. I'm heading out for a bushwalk with a friend tomorrow and I like to be as well prepared as I can be with what I can carry in pockets and a day pack. One of the things I like to carry is some extra battery power for my phone. Just in case. But after turning the place upside down I hadn't been able to find my portable battery.

 

I also find that writing longhand reveals a treasure of buried 'information'; unresolved issues, stories long forgotten, memories. So I decided to try using it to help with finding the missing battery. I just started with "Where have put my portable phone battery?" I next wrote a bit of a description of it (consolidating in my mind an image of the thing) noting that it was not in any of the places I had this far looked. Statements of fact.Then I asked myself where I might have put it. A few suggestions followed; places I hadn't looked yet. In the car? Perhaps but probably not. With my first aid stuff? Perhaps but probably not. Then came the basket that was on my table but was moved to the sewing drawer (yes drawer, not room!) a couple of months ago when I changed projects. Hmmm. That was a possibility. I had put an assortment of things in that basket as it sat on the table for quite a while. That is where I stopped writing and went to look...and there it was.

I'm not sure I would have looked there without opening my mind with some writing first. So next time you can't find something but you just know it's there somewhere, give it a try. You never know what might come up! 

I think this probably saved me a lot of time and angst in the long run. I'll try to remember this trick for next time.

Do you have any tried and true tricks for finding lost things? I'd love to know!

An Old Letter To a Bereaved Friend

This is a letter I wrote a while ago to a then recently bereaved friend. I came across it whilst cleaning up my computer. I've changed names and places to make it less identifiable, but thought I'd share it with you. People often don't know what to say to people who have experienced the death of a loved one. I hope this might help you to feel more comfortable. About death and about talking to people about death and dying. 

Dear Angela

A card seems so inadequate a gesture when someone as precious as George has died. I can't pretend to know what you're feeling other than being familiar with the terrible sense of loss when someone who has been a great love and such a huge part of our lives is gone. I can't pretend my situation in having to cope with Bill's death is anything like what you are going through now, but I do know the loss. I experienced it in steps as first separation, then divorce, then some rebuilding of relationship, then long illness, then death.

I had already learned to live without him in many ways, so perhaps it is 'easier' for me to adapt to the loss, but still I miss having Bill to talk to. Especially about the kids. It's hard. But this is not about me. It's about you. And I am sorry you have to bear this loss.

While I was thinking about George, and about Steve who died a week or so earlier, and about Bill who has been gone now so many years, I wondered if they might find each other 'up there'... I like to imagine them getting together as they might have in Cairns years ago, to share a good stout and some rollicking sailing yarns. I like to think that energy they all had, and their love of the sea and of boats and sailing would make that possible. Reckon there'd be some one-upmanship going on too with those stories...moreso as the keg gets lower. Or perhaps it will never run dry. Weren't they all great blokes and weren't we lucky to be part of those adventures. I treasure my memories and I'm sure you do too.

Mark was talking about the rain yesterday. What he said made me cry but I want to share it with you because we don't think about this stuff enough. When we die we go back to being the elements from which we were made - carbon and water. Slowly or quickly, all the same it happens. And the water ends up eventually in the sky and the creeks, puddles, rivers, lakes and seas. And the rain. When it rains it is all of our ancestors and loved ones falling to nourish the earth. It freshens us and brings us life. I cried. And I said, "My tears, they are the rain too. They are everyone who is gone too." And I thanked him for giving me this revelation. I'll never see rain the same again. The circle of life is much tighter, much closer than I'd thought before. I feel so privileged to have this understanding. I am more thankful now for my cup of tea...my hot shower...the ocean...and my tears.

Dear Angela, I hope this letter will be something to comfort and to treasure. Words are hard to write because we don't want to say 'the wrong thing'. I didn't get many words come my way when Bill passed away. I can understand. It was a difficult situation because we were divorced. There was trouble in the family. Everything was done in a rush and for me it always felt like there was unfinished business. Over time I've come to accept things being as they are...as they were.

But it has left me wanting to say more than one can in a card. More than a few words in a card and it starts to look messy. The greeting in the card is brief. It is full of love but is also kind of a 'formality' in a way. I wanted to send a card. But I wanted more to have visited and had a cuppa with you and George before it was too late to do that. And I wanted to let you know that I love and appreciate you more than a few words in a card can show.

I have a few photos I want to find and pop in here for you too. I don't know if you have copies of them or not...but if not then I hope you'll enjoy them.

Forgive me for typing this letter. Ideally it would be hand-written but I find I make so many errors with hand-writing these days. Especially if it is something important to me. Strange. So here it is.

Typed with love.

 

 

Kerry xoxox