Spinning

I've been sitting here at the computer for about twenty minutes now...checking out the Raptor and Wildlife Refuge hoping to visit there today but discovered that it is just a refuge and not open to the public. I've popped onto Facebook and responded to a couple of things there and checked the page associated with work for me. I've just finished eating a bowl of rock melon (cantaloupe) cubes for breakfast and have been working on my first coffee. I've had a shower and washed my hair so I'm sitting here still wrapped in towels. My head is full of thoughts about all sorts of things and one of them was that I've not written a post here for a while...and that I ought to. So here's what I'm going to muse about today. Living in the moment. Because for the past twenty minutes or half an hour, that is definitely not what I've been doing.

My tummy is full and I can remember the first two or three pieces of rock melon; spearing them with my fork and sending them in the direction of my mouth. I can remember the sweet taste and the bright coral-orange of the flesh...and a wee burp just now reminds me that I've eaten the bowlful. But I've had my mind on so many other things that the rest of the bowl was engulfed as by an automaton. I was not taking any notice. I think I deprived myself of the privilege of enjoying and savouring every mouthful. Perhaps next time I can sit away from the computer and actually focus on the food I'm eating. Perhaps then my mind will appreciate the quantity, the flavours, the textures and satisfaction of chewing to the point that it won't be telling me I need more. I feel full right now but I wonder if the satisfaction might have been greater if I'd really noticed everything about the experience of having my breakfast. Hmmm.

Sitting here now I'm trying to notice everything about this experience. I can feel the pressure of the chair under my rear and against the outside of my right thigh. I can feel the dampness of the towels around me, the weight of the one on my head. I can feel my glasses on my nose and see the rims of them at the periphery of my vision. I am grateful. I can't see much without them. The world is a blur. Sometimes we move too fast and try to get too much done and feel like we never get to the point where we can be satisfied that we're enough; that we do enough. Maybe being present is a bit like putting spectacles on so that we can see more clearly. I am grateful that I could get out of bed this morning and stand under a hot shower and that I had soap and shampoo and conditioner to take care of my body. Somehow that nourishes my soul too. I am grateful that I had a bed to sleep in last night and the security of a safe home. I am grateful for my mug of coffee and my rock melon. I am grateful for the fridge that kept my rock melon in good condition until I was ready to eat it. The value of slowing down is that I can start to really see my life and remember how lucky I am to have so much. I am grateful for my desk, my computer, my connection to so many beautiful people, my job, my family, my friends. Many of those things may seem cliche. We all say we love our family and friends; that we are happy to have a roof over our heads and tucker on the table. But are we truly grateful? Are you? Am I? We are more likely to be, I think,  if we live with awareness in the moment.

It's easy to take for granted the things that surround us all the time; the things we've always had or the things we believe we deserve because we've worked hard for them. I try to remember that even though I know others whose lives appear richer or who have more or do more or go on more adventures...there are so many millions of people, perhaps billions who have never and will never have the opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures I take for granted in my day to day life. Sometimes I feel guilty but the reality is that I am here and this is my life here. I do what I can to help others and contribute something to community. I can't mend the whole world but I can take a step towards that end by noticing and knowing and by being grateful. It's a shift in consciousness. It's a shift in attitude. It's humbling somehow. What lottery was it that placed me here in this space and not in some poverty stricken, war torn country, perhaps with illiterate parents and no opportunity to go to school? That is the reality for so many. I was sold a lucky ticket in life.

My mind this morning has been full of thoughts about things I want or need to do; ring Mum and see how she's doing, text the kids to let them know I'm thinking of them, plan for next week at school, contact people I need to for work, make lists. Life is going to be so very busy for the next ten weeks; the school term. There will be much demanded of me, but I am grateful to have the chance to be part of the lives of the people I work with. I am grateful to have the chance to learn new things and new processes. I am lucky to have all the skills and abilities I need for my job. I am lucky to have a job. All I have to do really is stay in the moment and remember that even though sometimes I feel really disorganised and sometimes overwhelmed I am enough.

I have a plan to keep myself from spinning out...to keep my head from spinning so fast with a million thoughts that it might just fly off my body and finish up somewhere in the outer stratosphere. I've decided to call it my 30-30-30. The 30s represent minutes. My plan is this; after work I will give myself 30 minutes to walk, 30 minutes to meditate (this may be just sitting and enjoying the view of the bay but it will be with determination to stay present and not be thinking about other things) and 30 minutes to do something nice for myself (a foot soak, a hand massage, a book for personal enjoyment, a favourite tv show) and then I'll have a meal and complete preparations for the next day. After a busy non-stop day at school, I think it's important to allow myself some time to reset my psyche and be present for myself. That's my plan. My Anti Head Spin Plan. Wish me luck! I think it's time for me to get dressed and head out for the day...not to the Raptor Refuge but I'm sure I'll find something or somewhere new to explore. Have a great day!!