"Let's just pop that over there for now...hmmm...no, it's not going to fit there so what about...over there...Yes! Good. That works!"
"Now, what was I going to do next? Ah, yes that's right...get dressed. I've got that there, and that...and hmmm those socks. Or these? No. The first ones...and...where did I leave my scarf? In my bag? No. In the pocket of my jacket? No. On the back of the chair. No. Ah, there it is, on the arm of the couch. That's right...I took it off when I was reading last night. Have I got time for another coffee...?"
And on I go chatting to myself in an apparently eccentric way...all day long. The thing is that before I had someone staying here with me, it was just a habit. A kind of comforting background natter. A commentary really, of my day. For me, it's a bit like breathing. It just happens without me really thinking about it. It's not ever muttering or mumbling (well, almost not ever...maybe just a wee bit occasionally) but just keeping myself company I suppose. Do you do it too? I just feel, now that this has been pointed out to me and I've actually been taking notice of how often it happens, that I need to check and see if other humans are busy all day doing the same thing. And of course, in a sense, wondering why on Earth we do it?
In my job as a teacher I talk a lot. It goes with the territory. I also listen a lot. When I get home at the end of the day I feel like I don't really want to talk for a while, but as soon as I sit down and there is someone to listen, off I go with my stories about the day. I like the debrief and the celebration of all the little things that make up the day when you work with kids and parents and other teachers. There is always a lot happening. Maybe my brain, even though it's tired by the end of the day and feels like stopping, is so wound up with the energy of it all that it just can't stop...not just yet. In reality, although there is a lot of talking and listening at school, most of it is quite focused and directed by the job at hand. Although there is a lot of talk, there is little time to chat without interruption. There is little time to let thoughts and ideas meander in the form of a real conversation. Perhaps that is what I hunger for too. Time just to yak about things that are on my mind.
I really love quiet. I love music but most of the time I just like quiet when I'm at home. Sometimes I like a bit of music when I'm driving, but even then I like quiet. Sometimes I like to pop the telly on at home for a bit of background noise, but not all the time. I like the quiet times too. I like to be able to hear the birds outside and the wind as it whistles past the chimney. I like to hear the chair creak or the keyboard tap. I like to hear the noises I make as I go about my day, stirring a cuppa or turning the pages of a book.
I don't like the sound of cupboards closing. Not at all. How weird is that. I can't stand hearing kitchen cupboards close. I know...call for the little men in their little white coats. Because I can't stand hearing cupboards bang shut and because I talk to myself all the time...and to things. It's all a bit mad really. Talking to things. What do I mean? Examples please?
"That's it, you just push down into the water there...yes! I knew you'd fit in there with the rest of the towels. Good, I won't need to do another load...OK detergent...in you go! That's enough. Right. Turn you onto regular wash and click. Thank you!"
"Now, what next. Wood? Yes. I'll just stack you there, and you there and you there."
"Wood into the fire? Will you fit? If I just move you over there and you to that side a bit then, yes, I knew you would."
So now that I've been made aware of this habit of mine, I am hearing myself much more than I used to. Funny that. I have said before that it's the only time I get any sense out of anyone, when I talk to myself, haha. But that's not really true. I think it's just that when you spend a lot of time alone, you kind of do keep yourself company. Some people chat with their dog or their cat or their budgie or their car. Don't they? Sure they do.
Now I know you're going to be taking more notice of your own self-talk after reading this, so do let me know if you talk to yourself more than you realised, as I do. It will make me feel better to know about that. And if you do, then don't feel bad because I think it's really a way to keep sane. We process thoughts out loud and it stops our brains from becoming over full and exploding, making an ugly mess all over the place in the process. Go on friends, talk to yourself...just remember to always be kind with your words and not to go driving yourself up the wall with the negative stuff. Love n hugs all round. Now where was I....cup of tea time I think...where did I leave that favourite cup of mine???
|Usually I add a picture of my own but this one I've borrowed from online at Wikimedia Commons. Hope you won't mind. I might make it a mission to take lots of pics this weekend so I have some to choose from next week!!|