Fear and Freedom from the Ironic

Years ago,  back in the 1980s, we were living on our boat which was safely moored on the Marina at Coffs Harbour. As a friend was visiting from interstate, we had access to a car for a few days, and the three of us were off exploring the hinterland. One afternoon we were pottering along the road, just enjoying the change of scenery...the newness of everything when we spotted what seemed to be an injured bird on the road. We stopped and had a look and it was indeed very much alive but somehow incapacitated, and my soft heart knew we had to do something to help it. We gently wrapped it in a jumper and headed off in the car again. There was a little pub just down the road (which turned out to be the iconic Pub With No Beer, made famous by the song by Slim Dusty)and we decided to ask there if anyone knew of a local wildlife carer. As luck would have it, the publican knew of a woman who cared for injured birds and animals and gave us directions to her home. It was quite a drive and I can't remember now which direction we travelled, but on the way...a flock of tiny birds flew down in front of the car and we hit some of them. I can remember being so upset at the irony of trying to rescue one bird and in the process killing more...but we were on a mission by this stage and had to carry on. 

We found the wildlife carer at home. As we'd been told she was always home as she had so many little creatures to care for! Young orphaned joeys can need feeding as often as every hour and a half, so it takes a certain dedication to take on this kind of job. She identified the little bird we had found as a Nightjar and was happy to care for it as she had several enclosures with injured owls and other nocturnal birds. Lucky little bird! Whilst we were there she gave us a guided tour of her home. It was a large, brick home with concrete floors. She said they hadn't bothered with floor coverings because the concrete was easy to clean. There were blanket 'pouches' slung on the back of every chair and lounge...secret places for young joeys to rest and sleep and grow. A couple of older joeys were out of pouches and no doubt part of the reason for the easy clean floors! We were so pleased to have a successful outcome for our mission. The little Nightjar would be well cared for and rehabilitated in the best possible place. Still, I was disquieted by the flock of little birds that had crossed our path with not such a happy outcome.

Fast forward to the present...

Yesterday I travelled with my son up to Bonorong Wildlife Park north of Hobart to attend what I thought was an information session on how to care for injured animals. As a teacher, I just thought it might be interesting to find out more about how wildlife carers look after their little patients. It turned out to be several hours of information which comprised the course to become a Wildlife Rescuer. There were probably thirty or more people attending and we were on the receiving end of a long and very informative talk about how to attend and rescue Australian native animals and transport them safely to carers or vets for necessary treatment or euthanasia. Some interesting and shocking statistics were presented; over half a million native animals are killed on Tasmanian roads each year. Of all the rescued animals somewhere near 80% are euthanased. The point in rescuing these animals is to reduce the time and level of suffering as they die slowly and painfully if left unattended, either as a direct result of their injuries, through infection or from starvation when they can't get about normally to feed and water themselves. It is a compassionate service. The upside is knowing that the remaining 20% are rehabilitated and most returned to their bush-land homes. It's important to note just where the animal was found to allow this to happen. Many animals do not fare well if they are not returned to the right place where they can reconnect with their own families and where they are familiar with the area. Possums, by the way, cannot be relocated. They will quickly be killed by other possums that already live in the new area.

The day commenced at one thirty and in my mind it was probably going to be a couple of hours perhaps. In fact it was around four hours with a half hour break in the middle. It was fascinating and I now know, in theory at least, how to extract a joey from the pouch of many different animals. I know that an elongated teat in a pouch means there may be a young joey not far away.  I also know how (again, in theory!) to safely remove a possum from a firebox, and what to carry in a rescuer 'kit'. I can practice making sounds to lure orphaned joeys closer to allow me to capture them. But the problem began with the realisation that the day was not going to end in time for us to drive home before dark. 

Now I have, for a long time, avoided night driving. I have on occasion hit wallabies, a cat, a dog, several birds, rabbits and a possum whilst night driving. This has occurred over a driving career spanning some thirty-seven years, and over countryside from Central Queensland to Southern Tasmania. Each one has nearly ripped my heart out at the time, and as I've become older I've slowly decided that it's better not to go out at night. If my going out means a wee animal gets run over then I'd rather stay home! I know some of you  will think that's silly, and of course I do still go out at night sometimes. I drive slowly at night. I think of  darkness as a road condition and I drive accordingly. I like to give myself time if things go pear-shaped. I drive a small car. A lot of damage can occur to me and my car if things go wrong. The lights in my small car seem not bright enough, not far reaching enough, for me to hurtle along at daytime speeds. And the animals we are talking about here...Australian wildlife...are for the most part nocturnal. 

The problem was that I was still struck by the Irony Bug from that afternoon near The Pub With No Beer, and I was almost sure that driving home in the dark after a day learning how to rescue injured animals, would result in me running something over! I was consumed by anxiety and considered leaving early to avoid the night drive. I conferred with the instructor who informed me that if I left early I wouldn't be able to be on the register as a rescuer. Now, for a moment or two I thought...well, you know, I didn't actually come along today to become a rescuer, but just to learn a bit more about how to care for wild animals...but then again, as I'm here and I've learned so much, it would be a shame not to stay and hear the rest. Dilemma. Would hitting an animal on the way home mean that I was a terrible person...or that the day was wasted? No. I needed to remember that for the Nightjar it was a good thing that we came along. I have to remember that there is so much I cannot control or be responsible for. I can only do my best. I can slow down and drive mindfully, but I can't stop doing things...not unless I retire from life in our society and become a recluse. Sometimes that can sound tempting, but perhaps I can do some good while I'm out and about and just maybe I'll fill in those forms to become a registered wildlife rescuer. I suffer like many of us, from knowing there is so much to do in this world...small things can seem insignificant and not worth doing in the face of the wall of 'everything that is wrong'. Sometimes it's easier to do nothing and pretend that everything is okay. 

Well, we stayed for the duration and the drive home was relatively uneventful. We didn't see any animals until we were very close to home and then it was a few scattery rabbits that are not native and that do considerable damage to the environment, in some areas even endangering the survival of native animal populations. So last night driving home, and arriving home without killing any little creatures on the way, kind of set me free from the Irony Bug. Just because I go to do a good thing doesn't mean that a bad thing will happen on the way. It's funny how things can play in and on our minds over such long periods of time. I will still do my best to keep night driving to a minimum. I wonder if as I'm aging and slowing down a bit (I love that I'm not in a hurry and can enjoy the moments...and I hate being pushed along the highways and byways by drivers who think there is nothing more important than getting to where they are going as fast as possible)...I wonder if I'm just becoming one of those fuddy-duddy drivers that used to annoy me when I was young. I hope people, young and older, might understand and make a few more allowances for slower drivers. Perhaps we've just come to treasure life a little more as we discover that it doesn't last forever and that it can be taken from us so very quickly and unexpectedly. Perhaps we know that it's better to arrive later, a little less stressed and having enjoyed the journey. 

Watch out for slow drivers and back off a bit. Allow them to drive at a speed that they feel safe and in control of their vehicle. One day you might just need the same consideration. I hope you live long enough for that to happen. Watch out for little animals on the road. We are in their way. This is their home and we have invaded it with our monstrous killing machines that stun with blinding light and terrify with roaring motors, rushing headlong out of the darkness. Mindless metal mashers of warm, furry flesh and blood. Oh, and if you're in Tasmania, do consider getting long to Bonorong Wildlife Park and helping to support the great work they do...perhaps even sit in on the next Rescuer course. You'll learn lots, and although they now have about 1,000 rescuers on their books, they reckon on needing a network of about 4,000 to do the job well. 

Have a great day, or a great night, and don't let fear or the Irony Bug stop you from doing the things you'd like to. Make a difference. Sometimes you'll feel anxious, sometimes you'll feel afraid...but in the end most of that stuff is just in our heads and reality is a pretty good place to live.

Why I'm Wearing Make-up Tonight

I've been getting ready to go out tonight. Now usually I go out with my fella...or by myself...for dinner or a movie or whatever might take my fancy. I pop on some jeans and a top and flick on a bit of moisturiser and off I go. Not a second thought mostly these days. I've given up trying to look like someone or something I'm not, so I just go au natural and usually don't think about how I look once I'm out the door. Oh, one exception...when I go into the public toilets anywhere...and the lighting is designed to make everyone look like Herman Munster. Then I look at my reflection aghast and think I can't possibly be looking that bad and then forget all about it again and get on with my outing. There will always be lots of people who look 'better' than me. They are younger, slimmer, smoother skinned, blonder, darker, curlier, straighter, more shapely, more fashionable...you know the talk. But I am who I am. I am how I am. I might change in time...I know I'll get older. But for now I am as is. I'm going out...to work or elsewhere and I'd best just get on with it. Usually.

Tonight I'm going out with a girlfriend. She has free tickets to the cinema and invited me along for dinner and a movie as her fella is otherwise busy tonight. Cool. Girls' night out. Fun. Good. Time to get ready. Gah!! I've got nothing to wear!!! I botch together some bits and pieces that might be alright for a night out in this kind of weather...coolish but not freezing. My friend has found her style. That's what I think whenever I see her dressed to go out. She knows who she is. Her clothes are co-ordinated and she always looks great. I have to make an effort to look decent. I have always felt that I have no 'style'. I don't know what my 'style' is. I think it must be 'casual' because I don't seem to have anything much in my wardrobe that says anything else about me. Except perhaps that I'm an impulse buyer. Things don't seem to go together as I'm looking for the right outfit tonight. I start to dress and notice my reflection in the mirror as I stand in my top and knee high black stockings that will be comfortable under my boots I hope. Gah!!! Who designed full wall wardrobe doors with mirrors? One glance has further undermined my confidence...quick...put some jeans on. Ahhhh that's better. My nearly 56 year old and somewhat chunky these days legs are not looking their best...definitely better under cover. 

So I've got some clothes on. Now the face. Head to the bathroom. Tilt head upwards and look in mirror. Gah!! Stray eyebrow hairs. Now most of the time most people would think I have no eyebrows at all. They are so fair and so sparse that they are barely noticeable, even up close. These stray hairs though struck terror into my heart. I can't go out to dinner looking like this! Next adventure...find the tweezers. Done fairly quickly as I'd used them for something else just the other day. Good. Stray almost invisible to the naked eye eyebrow hairs removed. Should I pop on some make-up? I almost never wear make-up these days as I simply can't be bothered given the result. Most often it seems to highlight all of my perceived faults in a way that makes it seem rather pointless. But I'm going out with a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure she'll make an effort to put a face on...so I'd better try. 

I use a little concealer here and there...and there and there...and there (gosh, I seem to need a lot more of this than last time). I start to blend it in. I notice that my pores look like craters. I check the mirror in case I have the magnifying side facing me. Nope. This is the real deal crater face. Okay. Blending done, I think about foundation but know that will be a flipping disaster so opt just for a little bronzer and toner (is that what they call it?...compact powder with tiny light reflecting glittery bits...applied with  brush that looks like the little brother to an old fashioned shaving brush...). I put it on my forehead. It's glowing. Gosh. Wow. Better do the rest. A fine coat all over face, ears, neck, decolletage. Inside ears too for good measure. Can't stand those make-up lines...you know...the ones where you look like you're dressed for Halloween...in a mask! So all glowing and gorgeous now. Guaranteed. Guess a little mascara would be a good idea. Gah!!! Where's the mascara???? Think, Kerry, think. Where did you last wear it? On my eye-lashes! No - no!! When? When? When? A flash of insight sends me to the bathroom cupboard and my old make-up box. Nope. A scramble through the basket on top of the washing machine. Yes! It's there! Not so weird really as the washing machine is in the bathroom Alright. Hmmm. One should apply a little eye-shadow too. Before the mascara. Keep it looking natural though. More sparkle but that's okay. Nice. Mascara on. It's blue. I like that. My eyes are bloodshot. Too much computer. Too much television. Too much reading. Too much dry heat from the heat pump. Will try drops later when mascara is dry. Smile at reflection. Check stains on teeth. Note to self: book to see dentist soon.

I think that's it. Ready with an hour to spare and feeling like this is something I should write about. I'm okay but I'm wondering what it is that made me so much more self-critical getting ready to go out tonight than perhaps I usually am. Silly isn't it. Because in the end, my friend will be looking for some good conversation, some laughs and nice relaxing friendly company. She probably wouldn't care too much if I turned up in a hessian bag. Hmmm? Yes she would. She would be worried about me because I wasn't taking care of myself properly. Perhaps that's what's behind all this pressure to primp and powder. Perhaps it's not so much about trying to look different or to make myself any 'better'. Perhaps it's just saying, hey, we're going out tonight on the town and that's important to me. We don't do this very often so I'm making an effort to bring my best self tonight. Or maybe it's about all the advertising I've seen and heard over the 50+ years that I've been taking notice...and I'm not sure still that I'm good enough as I am. I suppose we have a culture of self-improvement in a way. We are constantly told in subtle and not so subtle ways that we need to be different to how we are. Even supermodels are airbrushed and positioned just so...to make them look perfect. 

I'm looking forward to a good night out. Good food. A good movie. Lots of laughter. I hope my mascara won't run and make me look like a weird blue panda. 

A final thought on presenting my best self. I don't really think it's about how I look. I think it's about arriving with a smile, an open heart and ears ready to listen. It's about being vulnerable enough to show my true self to my friends and family. It's about saying what I think in the most respectful and gentle way that I can. It's noticing the things I like and giving compliments. It's appreciating that everyone is dealing with being human and wearing a lot of the same insecurities on the inside...and the outside sometimes too. It's being kind to myself and to others wherever possible. I'm heading out tonight and thinking about how very blessed I am to be able to do so. To have such choices to make in life...what to order from the menu...what film to see...I am blessed indeed. Love to you all. Love who you are. 

A little PS
When my friend arrived to pick me up she said, "You look lovely!" So there ya go...perhaps I am a little too hard on myself. We talked a bit about why we get dressed up and don make-up, jewelry and so on before going out and said friend had this thought to contribute. She told me that her aunt had said long ago that it's part of the fun of going out...the anticipation and the ritual of preparing for something special in your life. It's about investing some time and effort to prepare yourself for a special event. When you've invested more effort in something you're likely to get more pleasure out of it. I reckon that's food for thought. I love to hear other people's perspectives on things...and especially their stories. I particularly love this one, and perhaps I'll think about investing in myself a little more than has become my habit of late..

Duckhole Lake

I've  walked into the Duckhole twice lately, the second time early this morning, and really enjoyed the experience both times. The first time was just after a really vicious wind storm had gone through the area a few weeks back, and it had been wet too. I took quite a few snaps on that trip and those are the ones I'll share with you here today. The forest seemed somehow more alive on that first walk, with mosses and lichens looking rich and vibrant. Today things were looking a little faded.. 

I have a lovely pair of walking boots and I'm trying to wear them in. They don't give me blisters, but the first several times I wore them, the soles of my feet seemed to be burning up. Today they were much better. I did something slightly different this time...didn't lace up the last set of eyelets...so I'm wondering if that meant more movement of my foot in the boot...or more air? Better circulation? I don't know. Perhaps I'm just finally starting to get used to them. I'll keep experimenting and see what happens. 

The weather has been dry for a few weeks and I could really see the changes in the bush along the track. Apart from the ground and foliage being drier, the creek was less frivolous than last time; this time it was just tinkering along. A special treat today was the appearance of first one, then two lyre birds. Alas, my camera was still in my pack at that time and I didn't want to miss watching them while I dug it out...so no pictures...but they were just delightful to watch. They danced in their funny tip-toe gait along the boardwalk ahead of us, darting now and then into the bush at the side of the track then back again to continue along in front. They appeared to be a couple, but there was no display of that beautiful lyre-shaped tail for us - just two largish brown birds trotting ahead. On the way back from the lake I kept my eyes peeled but they were nowhere to be seen despite several generous and fresh 'calling cards' left on the boardwalk. Photographic opportunity missed. It's a funny thing of mine; I like to do the first half of a 'return' walk without my camera in hand so that I can just enjoy the sights...then on the way back I have my camera out and ready to collect the lovely images I've seen along the way.

Going early in the day this time, we found the lake very still and quiet, although after sitting quietly for a little while we enjoyed a real show by the resident currawongs as they swooped and screeched and squawked above the lake, their black wings and tails edged in white lace. It was a noisy and raucous show, but they were quite elegant in an Aussie bush kind of way. I thought we might see snakes today but if they were there they kept out of sight. 

We are so blessed to have so many lovely walks close to home. My friend and I promised each other that we'd get out and walk a bit more often. It's too easy to be busy with work and family commitments and forget to be outside enjoying the beauty of it all. We forget when we're busy in our own little bubbles that all of nature is out there and getting on with living and dying and decaying to give nourishment to more living things. It never rests; it never stops. It's truly wonderful to know it's there but even better to get out and spend some time being enveloped by it all. 

Welcome to the Duckhole Lake walk!

Pretty little home for bush babies...slaters and centipedes perhaps?

Mossy Giant

Thanks to the lovely people who made the boardwalk. It makes for easy walking!

Chicken wire for non-slip safety.
Wearing in those walking boots...greater walks ahead!

Soft and fluffy lichens...fairy gardens.

Fairy Bells

Add caption

My favourites...handsome shelf fungi.

Beautiful, serene, Duckhole Lake...mountain backdrop shrouded in mist.

So many magical micro-habitats...aka  fairy gardens...transported back to childhood wonders.

Mystical. Magical. Tiny bush treasures.

Pink and pretty fungi

Mushrooms, toadstools everywhere...beautiful.

Isn't that something!

Gorgeous concentric arcs...fungi  I must invest in a field book so I can identify them!

A good step and a wedding in the family

Some years ago, during a time of considerable stress for our little family, my daughter began to show some rather strange symptoms...enough to send us to the doctor for a diagnosis. We feared some dreadful muscular disease had befallen her, or some kind of degenerative nervous disorder. She was twitching and moving her face in peculiar ways and for us as parents it was most distressing to see. The doctor couldn't see anything immediately obvious for a diagnosis...it was baffling. We had her eyes checked and they were fine. Fortunately we were open to alternative medicine and so before we headed into a barrage of possible medical tests, and due to some serendipity whereupon we had heard about hair analysis, we decided to snip a bit of her hair and send it off to see what we could find out. That might seem a little strange to some of you, but I've always had an interest in natural therapies and so it was not a hard step for me to take. 

The results came back and it seemed that she was intolerant to a number of foods that we ate regularly. None of them were processed foods; they were particular fruits, vegetables, nuts and so on. We immediately cut the renegade foodstuffs out of her diet and miracle of miracles, her symptoms disappeared within a few days...as if by magic! It was amazing to me at the time...but also such a relief to see her return to her 'old' self! Some of the foods that had caused the problems for her were her greatest favourites...so she ate them very often. I wonder if that is what caused the problem. Anyway, that is history...but I will quickly mention that she can recreate some of those symptoms even now if she overindulges in some fruits...food for thought. 

On the strength of that success, I have decided to send a snip of my own hair away for analysis. The same naturopath is still running his practice and I have faith that he can help me. I have had a range of annoying symptoms that I just can't seem to shift...and having played around with diet and nutrition so much over the years and read so much conflicting information I am just feeling confused and overwhelmed by it all. I hope to have the results back in a couple of weeks and I'll let you know how I go with it. I truly am so sick of feeling unwell and living at less than my best. I'm hoping this will be a good step...and one that will sort out the confusion and worry over what to eat and what not to. 

There are so many various therapies and programs around to support us in creating good health for ourselves. Have any of you had spectacular success with anything in particular? I'm sure other readers would be interested to hear if you would like to share your story. I would love to know what's working for you. 

The wedding

Today my thoughts are in many places. My niece is getting married in New South Wales and my  kids are both there to share the day and film the event for posterity. Whilst I couldn't be there, I'm thinking of all the people gathered together to celebrate this auspicious occasion, especially the bride's mum who is organising the catering for over 250 people!. Frances, you're a Superwoman!

True to form I have yet to post the wedding card, although I bought it weeks ago. My life is organised chaos...the important things always get done in the end, but not always in the order I think they will, or at the time I plan for them to be done. 

To Lauren and Andy, my very best wishes...I hope you have a beautiful day to remember always.. I reckon Uncle Bill will be keeping an eye on proceedings, and wishing he could have provided the home brew to keep all those revellers happy. 

With you all in spirit.

Love, Kerry

A Pain in My Heart

I've been told today, several times, that it's a waste of time trying to stop people from bullying. I've been told that it's part of life and people should just 'suck it up'. I've been told that there are worse problems in the world, like hundreds of thousands of people in slavery. I've been told that it's pointless really, caring in a world where there is so much wrong. I can't not care. I can't fix everything but I can write and ask people to care with me. I can ask people to feel the pain in their hearts too, and see if it will motivate them to take more notice of the suffering of others. It's not that I don't care about all those 'bigger' issues. I'm not blind to the fact that there is war and violence and poverty and hurting, hurting, hurting people in our world. If we don't begin with feeling the pain in our hearts for the people and things close to home...for people in our own homes, our own families, our own schools, our own communities...then how can we ever find the heart to care about those far distant? It has to start in our hearts...and it has to start here.

I went to Hobart today to attend the gathering to celebrate the successes of Chloe's Law...the movement to introduce anti-bullying and specifically anti-cyber-bullying laws into Tasmania. I went because I feel pain in my heart when I think about a young girl so taunted and tortured in her heart that she felt she had no option other than taking her life. Despite the fact that she had family and friends who loved and cared about her, she just couldn't cope with the abuse any longer. It pains me to think that some of the young people that knew her had not the decency to treat her as a feeling human being; a human being with a heart that can bear only so much pain. It worries me terribly that there is a generation, or perhaps two, that have inexplicably moved somehow distant from the ability to have empathy for another human being. 

I threw a comment away the other day about children having to learn empathy. A mother of a young child challenged me and said her son, although only three and a half years old, shows empathy readily. He is quick to respond if anyone is sad. He immediately wants to help. He will put an arm around them. I think she's right. My own children always showed great empathy and caring towards other people and towards animals. They seemed to want to take care of everything. How many of you have seen a child rescue a fly or a beetle, or had them plead with you to take care of an injured bird? For most of us, if not all, I think we are born with emotional intelligence...with a natural ability to feel the pain of another being and to want to help ease the pain. So what happens to it? Why does there seem to be a lack of empathy in so many people these days? 

Could it be that some of us have become desensitised to distress by watching so many tv shows and movies that are based on murder, torture and violence. Have we ceased to understand that these things are not right? Think about it. If you invite visions of murder and violence into your home on a daily basis, via tv or even X Box and video games (I'm not right up with the lingo, but you know the things I'm talking about here)...if you do that, isn't it reasonable to imagine that you might become desensitised to the horror of it all. Isn't it reasonable to imagine that perhaps those things become somehow more 'acceptable' to you? I wonder. 

There is  quite a movement afoot now in education to introduce what is called 'social learning' to our students. Ethics are now part of the curriculum. It's great that we are teaching our young people to think more about why we do what we do, and what works well for community and what hurts community. We're all in this together. We all need each other. Our world is not a series of bubbles that we all live in and so are not touched by the ills of the rest. We are all connected. We are all one. When we hurt each other we hurt ourselves too. Social learning. How to work with, live with, cooperate with, collaborate with others to create a functional society in which every individual is valued for what they bring. We are all different; we are all the same. We can begin to feel empathy for others by starting to look for what is the same. "How is that other person like me?" we might ask. 

I can't do much. I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. But I can ask you to slow down and look at other people in a way that asks...how are they like me? If you can do that, you will find yourself beginning to think that others might have the same sorts of human frailties that you have yourself. Yes, you have them...we all do. We look for what is different and then we fear. We can't help it unless we make a conscious effort to change that and look for what is similar. You could start with the fact that you and indeed everyone else is human. We all belong to the human family. We all need to be accepted and loved as we are. Mostly we want some sort of recognition that lets us know we're worthwhile. Some people don't think they are, and I think sometimes they're the ones that hit out in anger about that. Someone hasn't let them know that they're worthwhile and worth loving...and they haven't figured it out for themselves yet. Please, if you can't love everyone in your life, if you can't love everyone around you, at least be kind. 

Some of the speakers today talked about kindness. Go away from here today with kindness in your heart they said. I read somewhere a sign that said "Kindness is my religion". What a great religion-a religion that needs no church, no priests, no bishops, no offering plate, no guilt, no rules, no sin, no threat of eternal fire...just the simple recognition of the fact that we can choose in all situations to be kind. Imagine if all of us everywhere made it our life's work to be kind in everything we did. What a new and different world we would wake up to. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't expect any of you to be either, but if you could just keep those two little words 'be kind' in the front of your mind...like a little voice reminding you all day long...and I'll try to do the same...maybe we can make a difference. Like the butterfly effect, the small changes we make in our lives affect those around us. Your small act of kindness ( a simple smile or holding a door open for someone) may just inspire the recipient to do the same. There are loads of kindness movements around the world at different points in time. There are Random Acts of Kindness, Free Hugs, and all sorts of others. Why do so many of these keep popping up on Youtube and Facebook and other places. I suspect it's because there are a lot of people out there who believe it is the only way we can mend ourselves and our planet. I refuse to share things about the vile things people do. We are all too well aware of those. Let's make a point of sharing with each other snippets of hope and encouragement to do the little good we can...and hope that the seeds we plant will grow a forest of caring.

If this motivates you in any way to change the way you've been living, please let me know. If you've ever been a bully, I'd like to know what it was that led you to that behaviour...did you lack love for yourself? I'd love to hear your story. In the meantime, I'll keep listening to my own heart...and if it tells me I need to care, then I'll be doing my best. Love to you all out there. Be kind to yourself by being kind to others.

I wrote a post last year after reading about Chloe's death. Read it here if you'd like to.
The Chloe's Law petition to the Australian Senate can be signed here

The News

Dear FriendsLate evening tv has been a smorgasbord of murder, mental illness, violence, missing persons, rape and racial tension. I'm sure there was other stuff in there too but these issues are important to us all as they involve people that are like people we know. The stories jump out at us and remain close to our hearts, perhaps giving us cause to fear for our own safety or the safety of loved ones. We can feel as if the security of our quiet lives is under threat. We are wired to hear those threatening stories and to respond with the flight or fight 'mechanism'. Once upon a primal swamp, that was essential to our survival. I'm sitting here with heavy heart, imagining the grief of a mother bereaved of her young son and her husband in the same tragic incident. Every mother's heart will feel the tightening that measures a fear we all live with; that we might lose a child. I've heard it said that being a parent is the bravest thing you'll ever choose to do because in that act you agree to have your heart living outside your own body. Your heart travels everywhere with your children. 

As I sat here feeling the weight of the sorrow from these reports, I made a conscious shift of mind to think about all the things that didn't make the news today. They wouldn't sell papers or current affairs advertising time but they are the stuff of life. The real stuff. Today, even in the small town where I live, hundreds of people woke up this morning and enjoyed a shower and a nourishing breakfast before heading to work or school. Hundreds of families chattered away together as they went through the busy morning routines finding clothes and shoes and homework. Husbands and wives, friends and lovers, children and families and friends went through their everyday tasks without a second thought. They smiled at each other and hugged each other, told jokes, patted the dog or washed the car and enjoyed the gleam that rewarded their hard work. They wrote letters and sent birthday, wedding, engagement, get well soon, sympathy and Valentine's cards. They mowed the lawn and weeded the garden or took a walk and found images of rabbits in the clouds. They went for a drive and stopped at a country cafe for coffee and apple danish. They browsed antique stores or shopped in supermarkets for food. They bought new shoes or cleaned out wardrobes and donated un-needed items to charity. 

They made decisions to make some one else's life better; they started to support a child through a charity or registered to donate time to visit the aged or infirm. They volunteered in animal shelters and homeless shelters and soup kitchens. They touched the untouchable and reached the unreachable by doing what they do with love and sincerity and no need to be thanked or rewarded. They flew planes or traveled as passengers to far shores to learn about this vast global community. They spent time in new places and new cultures with new faces and foods and smells and sounds. They made their lives richer and will bring home new understandings and interests to share with friends and family. They read books and watched documentaries or soapies on tv. They worked and they relaxed and took pleasure from having time to take stock of life. They had thoughts and read comics and poems and looked at paintings and thought about how marvellous it can be to express oneself through art. They played music and danced behind closed curtains in case someone should see and think them mad...but they were joyful and free and happy for that time. They took children to school and collected them at home time. They sewed quilts and played football and made bets on the horses or the dogs. Some won. They learned to send an email or enroled for university courses in middle or old age...or right out of high school. They shaved legs and tweezed eye brows and put on moisturiser. They looked in the mirror and put on their best face for the world they were going out to meet. They lived their lives in the best way they could. No one will ever take much notice, but so many people do so many GOOD even GREAT things every single day. Hats off to us all for making the very best of life that we can.

We get a lot of news these days unless we make a choice to avoid it, and I have spent long periods of my life doing just that. The news, whilst it can be viewed as important, carries such a skewed view of the world as it really is. News is shaped and presented in the way that ensures the greatest sales of advertising or that furthers the political stance of the station owners. I was fortunate enough to be at an event many years ago; a fire walking ceremony on a beach on Magnetic Island off Townsville. The news teams were there recording the event and I watched it later on tv. I have to tell you that the tv coverage of the event was nothing like being there. It was as if they'd been at another event altogether. It has made me wary of news reports. 

I guess I'm just trying to say that whilst it's not healthy to pretend that nothing bad ever happens or that other people are not suffering, it's probably going to be good for your health to think about how much is going along quite nicely in your home, your town, your county or country. Fight that impulse to notice and focus on the scary, the threatening and the 'negative' aspects of life and the news. Do what you can to help others. Be kind. Spend at least an equal amount of time devoting your thinking to what might be good and right and happy and lovely. What you think about...you will find. 

Wishing you a life that is interesting and full and rich. Wishing you the strength and wisdom to grow through the difficult times. Wishing you friends and family to love and support you through times of grief and loss. Wishing you compassion to help others when you can. Wishing you the ability to see what is good in the world, and to contribute towards it too. Most of all wishing and hoping that the sad and terrible events of life remain as the exception to the rule for most of us, and that we can together build a better and happier world for the children yet to come. Thank you.

Spinning

I've been sitting here at the computer for about twenty minutes now...checking out the Raptor and Wildlife Refuge hoping to visit there today but discovered that it is just a refuge and not open to the public. I've popped onto Facebook and responded to a couple of things there and checked the page associated with work for me. I've just finished eating a bowl of rock melon (cantaloupe) cubes for breakfast and have been working on my first coffee. I've had a shower and washed my hair so I'm sitting here still wrapped in towels. My head is full of thoughts about all sorts of things and one of them was that I've not written a post here for a while...and that I ought to. So here's what I'm going to muse about today. Living in the moment. Because for the past twenty minutes or half an hour, that is definitely not what I've been doing.

My tummy is full and I can remember the first two or three pieces of rock melon; spearing them with my fork and sending them in the direction of my mouth. I can remember the sweet taste and the bright coral-orange of the flesh...and a wee burp just now reminds me that I've eaten the bowlful. But I've had my mind on so many other things that the rest of the bowl was engulfed as by an automaton. I was not taking any notice. I think I deprived myself of the privilege of enjoying and savouring every mouthful. Perhaps next time I can sit away from the computer and actually focus on the food I'm eating. Perhaps then my mind will appreciate the quantity, the flavours, the textures and satisfaction of chewing to the point that it won't be telling me I need more. I feel full right now but I wonder if the satisfaction might have been greater if I'd really noticed everything about the experience of having my breakfast. Hmmm.

Sitting here now I'm trying to notice everything about this experience. I can feel the pressure of the chair under my rear and against the outside of my right thigh. I can feel the dampness of the towels around me, the weight of the one on my head. I can feel my glasses on my nose and see the rims of them at the periphery of my vision. I am grateful. I can't see much without them. The world is a blur. Sometimes we move too fast and try to get too much done and feel like we never get to the point where we can be satisfied that we're enough; that we do enough. Maybe being present is a bit like putting spectacles on so that we can see more clearly. I am grateful that I could get out of bed this morning and stand under a hot shower and that I had soap and shampoo and conditioner to take care of my body. Somehow that nourishes my soul too. I am grateful that I had a bed to sleep in last night and the security of a safe home. I am grateful for my mug of coffee and my rock melon. I am grateful for the fridge that kept my rock melon in good condition until I was ready to eat it. The value of slowing down is that I can start to really see my life and remember how lucky I am to have so much. I am grateful for my desk, my computer, my connection to so many beautiful people, my job, my family, my friends. Many of those things may seem cliche. We all say we love our family and friends; that we are happy to have a roof over our heads and tucker on the table. But are we truly grateful? Are you? Am I? We are more likely to be, I think,  if we live with awareness in the moment.

It's easy to take for granted the things that surround us all the time; the things we've always had or the things we believe we deserve because we've worked hard for them. I try to remember that even though I know others whose lives appear richer or who have more or do more or go on more adventures...there are so many millions of people, perhaps billions who have never and will never have the opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures I take for granted in my day to day life. Sometimes I feel guilty but the reality is that I am here and this is my life here. I do what I can to help others and contribute something to community. I can't mend the whole world but I can take a step towards that end by noticing and knowing and by being grateful. It's a shift in consciousness. It's a shift in attitude. It's humbling somehow. What lottery was it that placed me here in this space and not in some poverty stricken, war torn country, perhaps with illiterate parents and no opportunity to go to school? That is the reality for so many. I was sold a lucky ticket in life.

My mind this morning has been full of thoughts about things I want or need to do; ring Mum and see how she's doing, text the kids to let them know I'm thinking of them, plan for next week at school, contact people I need to for work, make lists. Life is going to be so very busy for the next ten weeks; the school term. There will be much demanded of me, but I am grateful to have the chance to be part of the lives of the people I work with. I am grateful to have the chance to learn new things and new processes. I am lucky to have all the skills and abilities I need for my job. I am lucky to have a job. All I have to do really is stay in the moment and remember that even though sometimes I feel really disorganised and sometimes overwhelmed I am enough.

I have a plan to keep myself from spinning out...to keep my head from spinning so fast with a million thoughts that it might just fly off my body and finish up somewhere in the outer stratosphere. I've decided to call it my 30-30-30. The 30s represent minutes. My plan is this; after work I will give myself 30 minutes to walk, 30 minutes to meditate (this may be just sitting and enjoying the view of the bay but it will be with determination to stay present and not be thinking about other things) and 30 minutes to do something nice for myself (a foot soak, a hand massage, a book for personal enjoyment, a favourite tv show) and then I'll have a meal and complete preparations for the next day. After a busy non-stop day at school, I think it's important to allow myself some time to reset my psyche and be present for myself. That's my plan. My Anti Head Spin Plan. Wish me luck! I think it's time for me to get dressed and head out for the day...not to the Raptor Refuge but I'm sure I'll find something or somewhere new to explore. Have a great day!!