Cheating a bit today

Usually I'm writing to you about something that has grabbed my attention during the day...or the week...

But because I've been feeling crook for over three weeks now, I just haven't been in a writing mood. I've read a fat novel, Tully, by Paullina Simons, during those hours when my brain just wasn't up to thinking about work.

I had an email from Facebook reminding me that my A Cuppa With Kerry 'likers' will be missing me...I wonder if that is true...

Anyway, to fill the gap until I'm ready to write again, I thought I'd share a little something I wrote when I was at a Writers' Group meeting a couple of years ago. It still rings true for me in many ways, and even though my numbers this year won't be a nine, I'm still enjoying a lucky year. 

I have full-time work, a lovely little house to live in for now, visits from both of my precious children (one starting next Sunday, so I'm very excited), other family not too far away, and a very thoughtful and loving partner in my life. Today, I have flowers! Today I had a lovely walk on the beach, made my very favourite Red Lentil and Root Vegetable soup and spent a couple of hours at work. 

Life is often what you make it...I've been saying over and over, I'm so happy, but I feel so awful...but I'm so happy :) So my lovely readers, here's a snip with some thoughts I had in the past. Hope you'll enjoy them too.

A Little Hard to Bear

I was born on the twenty-seventh. 

Two plus seven makes nine. 

Nine is my lucky number so my birthday is lucky too. 

This year I turned fifty-four. 

Five plus four makes nine. 

So this is my lucky year. 

I might not have another one like this until I’m sixty-three or seventy-two or eighty-one or ninety. 
But the thing is that at this age, it’s a little hard to bear that I don’t yet have life all worked out.

I mean, I’ve done all this mid-life menopausal soul-searching.

I've lost myself and found myself and even learned to like…no, love myself. 

But still I feel like a child. 

I’m sure I ought to feel ‘grown up’ by now. 

Isn’t it true that by fifty-four you are ‘mature-age’? 

I was a mature-age student at forty-seven!! 

I felt so sage, sharing my wisdom with the just-out-of-high-schoolers. 

Ha!

I brought life experience to the table. 

I felt sort of superior in a sense. 

But really, I shared only snips of knowledge. 

My opinions, formed over a longer time perhaps, but of no greater value really than anyone else’s. 

No less valuable, and no more. 

Really. 

It’s a little hard to bear that at fifty-four you can talk and talk and talk and listen to others talking and talking and nothing seems to be getting any better. 

The world declines in health minute by minute. 

Television spews forth talk of wars, hatred, violence, destruction. 

Not on four channels like in the good old days; now there are forty-four or a hundred and forty-four or more! 

It’s a little hard to bear clicking through all those channels looking for something to watch. 

And so to the daily entertainment; grim visages of rotting corpses, larger than life, plastered like wall-paper across the lounge. 

X Factor, The Voice, Australia’s Got Talent, Idol; people singing, people screaming, shouting, applauding the people singing; mania.

They did that for the Beatles; then, I was only two thirds of nine. 

But now it is bigger, grander, and madder on screens that eclipse the view from the window, and steal sleep with their insistent presence.  

Close the curtains to keep the sun off the screen so we can all enjoy a make believe nightmare, no longer working on a tan but upping our chances of becoming Vitamin D deficient. 

Slip, slop, slap. 

Click, goes the computer mouse, click, click click…type in Vitamin D deficiency; symptoms…oh look in the side bar – Nicole Kidman loses 5kg of ugly belly fat – really? 

Now what was I doing? 

Ah, that’s right, checking the Lotto numbers…this is my lucky week. 

The ticket is not a winner. 

Suddenly it dawns on me; I’m going to have to get out there and make my own luck. 

It’s a little hard to bear…knowing it’s all up to me. 

It's all up to us people. We have to make our own luck. Hope you're having a lucky day, a lucky week, a lucky month or a lucky life. 

Luck and love to you all. Kerry

Questions and ponderings

How do we expect our young people to be global thinkers and global citizens and yet not expect them to become overwhelmed by the enormity of the problems our world presents to them? We have so much information available to us now at the touch of a button, about everything under the sun...yet we have so few answers to the big questions that kids ask.

How do we explain to kids that it's not okay to cheat and lie and yet they see every day that the people in the places high up...the politicians, the corporations, the rich...seem to have gotten to those high places by doing just that. 

How can we expect kids to take it all seriously? To want to do well. To want to work hard...when they can see that so much is being done just to make life tougher for them? And that growing up in a particular place almost certainly determines that they will remain at the bottom of the heap (apart from a celebrated few that 'make it' regardless). How can we expect kids not to be angry? Or frustrated...with the lack of options...the lack of a future worth looking to?

How can we expect kids to respect other people's belongings and property if we show them so little respect...how can we expect kids to stay alive on no income...or on low, low income and paying rent...without stealing to make ends meet? How can we expect a starving, homeless young person not to do something to feed themselves. If we don't have a job for them, what other options do they have?

How are you going to feel safe with your money and your worldly goods if there are so many more people living on the edge? How can we expect society to be safe and secure if some people have so much and some so little. Somehow those with much feel better and more worthy than those with nothing. It's a false sense of security I suggest. Sooner or later it all has to come crashing down. 

I'm not saying that everyone should be poor. I'm saying that no-one should be poor. World-wide we have resources enough for everyone. I can't answer questions about population growth and resource depletion, but I do know that having most of the resources in the hands of the few is not going to have a good outcome in the long term. I'm saying that maybe we need a few more people to see what's happening and to stand up and say 'Enough!'

We have two income families who are saving for lovely holidays and new cars...and zero income families struggling to feed themselves. I'm asking the two income families who are working just for the extras...the finer things in life...to think about how they impact on the rest of the community. I know you work hard and you deserve lovely things...but what is the cost to others? I know a lot of two income families are just making ends meet and I don't mean to judge anyone, but simply to ask...would you give up your job that is just for the luxuries of life...so that someone who has no job might have it? Or would you criticize the one who has no job while you live your stylish and comfortable life, well-regarded for having so much.

I really think these are questions we need to start asking ourselves. If you have young people in your neighbourhood that can't get a job to get a start in life, yet you have two cars and two houses and go overseas for holidays every year...can you see that perhaps the young person isn't the problem here. I wonder if we need to start thinking more about how our actions affect our communities and especially our young people. Perhaps we could expect more from them if they knew there were going to be jobs and that they'd have to be respectful and respectable to get them. Right now, many of them are so sure they won't get employment that there is no motivation to care about what others think about them.

Older working people may have such a huge advantage in applying for jobs as they usually have experience, wider social networks, and a 'good' work ethic. They were raised in the era of working to get...a house, a car, anything you wanted if you worked hard enough. Young people are often socially awkward, have less social capital and have less motivation as they have no real faith in the future. It's tough and it seems that it's just going to get tougher. I wonder what might be possible if we all pulled back just a little bit on the good life...could we create a better world for our kids? I wonder if they would feel more like they could do okay in life if we were happier with less and showed them that they could be too. 

I haven't got answers...just questions and ponderings. I'm sure there will be plenty out there that will disagree with me. Let me know what you think...maybe you have some answers.

A Bit of a Whinge

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today...I know we all have days like that so I'm going to share it with you and you'll know that I understand next time you're feeling miserable! It's part of the human condition, isn't it...to have days where you feel less than good. I wonder what the purpose is though. Why do we have days when we feel off and uncomfortable, and what are we supposed to learn from them? I'm a bit of a learn-a-holic. In every situation in my life, I find there is something for me to learn. So here I am feeling somewhat head-achy and a bit nauseous and full of cold/flu capsules and wishing that it was all just over and I could get back to feeling normal and get on with all the things I have to do. I am feeling frustrated because I don't feel like tackling the things that must be done. I'm lucky that I love to write so this is not so bad. I'm in a warm house and sitting on a comfy old office chair (thanks Mum!) and if I lean a little to the left I can see the bay through the sliding glass doors that lead to my wee verandah out the back. 

It's a grey and drizzly day so it matches how I feel. Although I do not feel sad or depressed or anything like it. Just frustrated really with my lethargy. I have a hot cup of tea. I am blessed. I am warm and cosy and comfortable and well-fed (in fact, over-fed) and have a clean and comfortable bed to retire to if it all gets too much. When I have days like these...when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and wishing I felt better, I can't help but think about people who are really sick. If I feel this rotten with a cold that I know will pass within a couple of weeks, if not sooner, then what must it feel like to have a chronic disease or disorder that has no end to it? I have so much admiration for people that have long-term ailments when they seem to just get on with life. They don't let pain or discomfort stop them. Maybe I'm just a terrible sook.

Another thing I think about is people living on the streets, or people in refugee camps, or people living in poverty. I can't imagine how dreadful it must be to be sick and have no access to a chemist or a shop for tablets and lozenges. I can't imagine how awful to have a nasty headache and be surrounded by the noise of other people and animals and the stench of crowded, unsanitary living conditions. I can't imagine how awful it must be to have to lay in the dirt and wait for things to get better or to die. I can't imagine having to walk miles to get wood for a cooking fire, or to keep warm by whilst feeling ill. I can't imagine having to carry water from a well or a river whilst feeling tired and weak and overwhelmed. The human spirit is an amazing thing and people every day are overcoming their physical and mental problems to push on and just keep going. I am embarrassed by my lack of tenacity when I compare my comfort to the hardships faced by others...by what they do every day because there is no other way for them if they want to live. I am not going to take it for granted, that I can be unwell in such comfortable circumstances. 

In our country we have access to doctors and surgeons who can help us. We may have to wait a little while or travel a little distance but we have so many options for transport. We know there will be clean bandages and pain-killers for us if we need them. What must it be like to live where these things are not there? I cannot imagine. I am so very lucky to have been placed where I am through the lottery of birth. I could have been born in any of a million different places but I am here. I wonder at that lottery sometimes. I wonder how it is that some are unlucky enough to be born into poverty or other conditions of hardship. Of course, I understand the mechanics of it all, but I wonder about the fairness of life. I wonder how it is that some of us enjoy such incredible privilege and others nothing but scorn. I wish I had the answers to these questions...and  a way to bring a gentle life to each and every human being. Surely a gentle life is a good life. Gentle on each person, gentle on our planet. I wonder if our collective consciousness could some day find a way to slow down and stablise our population so that there is enough for everyone. I wonder what it would look like now to spread the world's population out across the globe so that there was a place for everyone to grow enough food for themselves...and for that to be enough. 

I wonder how much longer we can keep going on the track we're on, as a planet, as a species. How much more damage can we do before even those up 'til now blind...have to see that we've taken it all for granted for too long? Don't we all deserve a gentle life? A kind life? While we're all busy striving to put food on our tables and clothes on our backs - despite our wardrobes already burgeoning with last year's fashions - are we missing out on life? On gentleness towards ourselves and each other? 

Oh, and the learning...why is this happening? Or at the very least, what am I to learn from it? Probably first and foremost is that good health is the greatest thing I can have. I am reflecting on what I might be doing in my day to day living that compromises optimum health. I have an opportunity to slow down and take time to think a few things over and perhaps re-order some priorities. And of course, to count my blessings because they are many.

I wish you love and a gentle spirit towards yourself and those around you. I wish you eyes to see opportunity to be kind and gentle to those around you. I'm going to be gentle to myself now and try for a little nap before heading into work to make sure all is ready to begin again tomorrow. Take care people. Feel a little miserable if you're not well, but do notice the comforts you have and appreciate them. Love to you all.

How to do anything at all

I wonder if you're like me and look at some of the incredible achievements of other people...and wonder how they ever found time or energy to do what they've done. I do it all the time and sometimes I let it kind of get me down. I feel like I'm somehow not measuring up or not doing all I could be doing...or not doing anything significant like other people are. I have a mental list of things I'd still like to do in my life. I'm not going to share them. This is not about being accountable or sharing my dreams. It's just taking a little time to think about how other people have done what I might love to do but think I am not able to do. What sorts of barriers do I face when I look at my dreams off in the far distance? What barriers do you face between where you are now and where your dream stands...does it look like you can get to it? Or are there fences in the way? 

Some of the barriers I acknowledge in my life are age, finances, physical health, self-belief, pleasing others (or trying to!!), commitment to work, family, time...What does your list look like I wonder? It's not that I am blaming anything or anyone for not getting to those dreams in a hurry...but this is the life I have created for myself...or allowed for myself. So here I am now. What can I do to make sure I get the warm, fuzzy glow of knowing I went for something that seemed out of reach, but I got it...or got there? The answer of course is simple. The answer is movement. The answer is knowing roughly (or specifically, better still) what one of those dreams or goals is, and then starting to move towards it. Now it might be such a tiny movement to start with that you can hardly see or feel it...but you will know that you've made it. That one tiny movement will give you courage for the next. 

I have to acknowledge that there are some things I can do nothing about...like my age. But age is only a number and you only have to look around to see that age is not defining unless you allow it to be. I remember well the sight of a table laden with philosophy text books when visiting an elderly family member in a nursing home years ago. She had enrolled at university and had niggled at the staff until they provided her with a place to work on her studies in the day room. She was in her eighties. I watched a video recently of a woman in her eighties dancing salsa in a competition. She was just fabulous! Old age doesn't stop you from doing something if you really want to do it. Did the woman just get out of her chair and slip into her sequins and start flinging herself about on the stage? Not likely. I expect she began with a seed of an idea...that she'd like to learn to dance the salsa. She may never have dreamed of performing but no doubt her love for the dance led her to greater heights than she might have dreamed. I don't know. I'm just wondering about it all. The one thing I'm certain about though, is that she had to have a thought, an idea, a spark of interest that motivated her to get out of her chair, out of her house, and into a dance class. It had to start somewhere.

I find I often look at the finished product of someone's hard work and commitment and think..."I could never do that." How about you? Do you do that too? I have learned now to stop and think about it a bit more. Could I learn to dance the salsa? I probably could. Not even probably! Yes, I could learn to dance the salsa. How would I start? First I'd have to pay attention to the thought and decide it was something I was going to do. Not something I'd like to do but that I was going to do. I'd have to do a bit of research next, either talking to friends or getting on the internet and find out where I'd have to go to get some dance classes. If there weren't any within reach I could look at what lessons I might be able to find online. I'm sure there must be some there somewhere...

Likewise with finances. Almost everything we do these days seems to cost...but most of us can probably re-organise how we spend our money to create a saving space. I know I could do more in that area. Somehow the money just goes and I find myself living from pay to pay. Admittedly I've not been working full time for the past few years (I am this year!) and that made things pretty tight...but if I decided to save for a purpose, I'm sure I could do it. It's amazing how the cents that get frittered away on this and that can add up. Yesterday I bought some candles and a few more drinking glasses for my home. I love candles and they give me so much pleasure...but if I was committed to a goal of saving for a trip overseas or whatever it might be that I dream of...I might choose to forgo some of those simple pleasures and see the money mounting in my piggy bank instead. This is good. I'm starting to feel inspired. I hope you might be too. I am happy enough with my life...but I know I'd get a buzz out of ticking one or two of those dreams off my mental list. 

Time. We never have enough time. But guess what...you and I have exactly the same amount of time as any other person on the planet. And we get to decide how to spend it. That's where the rubber hits the road folks. How much time do I 'waste' in a day? A week? A month? A year? What do I consider wasted time? When working towards a dream...my ideal life...whatever it is I'm aiming for...I guess energy and time spent taking away from that goal is wasted. I guess that would go for money too. I'd need to be conscious and make decisions along the way...I'd need to be asking myself, "Is this moving me towards my goal?" What do you need to do to move towards your dreams?

I truly believe that many perceived barriers will move aside once you start. If they won't move then you will climb over them or walk around...most times a journey worth taking is not one that travels in a straight line! I'm pretty sure the sky's the limit with our dreams. When you see people celebrating their achievements don't think you could never do something like that. Yes you could if you wanted to. If you make the decision to do it. If you write it down or make a strong mental image of it. If you break it down into steps. If you figure out what you'd need to do to start moving. You can't begin with the last step up onto the podium of success. You must begin with the first tiny step of self-belief...of knowing that you can do it. 

Now okay, I have to look at the fact that not every journey begun ends up at the original goal or with the dream realised. Life's a contrary mistress and one we all must live with. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to...but dreams can be adjusted and embellished and even changed completely along the way. The point is though, that in beginning...you acknowledge yourself as worthy of having a dream. You acknowledge that this wonderful gift of life has given you the opportunity to do something extra-ordinary. Something more that you've been doing up until now...or something different. Trust that you will have an adventure...that you will learn something new along the way...and that makes the first step worth taking. Trust that you will have challenges that will make you stronger and fun greater than you thought possible. 

Trust yourself. Begin. Be inspired by others. Be inspired by the things you've already achieved in life. Be inspired by what you could do or be by taking one tiny step at a time. Day by day, week by week. Let me know what you've decided to aim for if you dare! I'd love to know what your dreams are...however big or small. All are worthy of your time and effort. With love, Kerry.